Wed Oct 15, 08 02:32 PM
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A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
Tue Oct 21, 08 02:00 AM
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There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans.
Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
Tue Oct 21, 08 01:54 AM
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The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.
The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.
The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e- mails everyone about what it did.
The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.
The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes.
The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB.
The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files.
The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.
The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files.
The ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates......
Wed Oct 15, 08 09:13 PM
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A MAN SPEAKS FRANTICALLY INTO THE PHONE, "MY WIFE IS PREGENANT AND HER CONTRACTIONS ARE ONLY TWO MINUTES APART" "IS THIS HER FIRST CHILD?" THE DOCTOR QUERIES" . "NO, U IDIOT" THE MAN SHOUTS, "THIS IS HER "HUSBAND" .
Wed Oct 15, 08 08:49 PM
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micheal jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son. micheal says, "hey doc how long till we can have sex? " the doc says, atleast till wait till he walking micheal.
Wed Oct 15, 08 07:35 PM
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A pompous man self made grocer named bates gets his son into an expensive private school. one day the whole family is there to see the little blighter begin his first day at school. the grocer, his family in tow, saunters into the prinicipal's office and introduces himself thus: "I AM SIR SHORTWEIGHT BATES. THIS MY WIFE, LADY BATES, AND MY DAUGHTER MISS BATES AND MY SON MASTER BATES.'' "oh does he?" asks d bemused prinicipal, "we will soon get him out of dat terrible habit.
Wed Oct 15, 08 07:03 PM
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At jewelry shop , a young man bought an expensive locket, as a present for his girlfriend, ''dont u want her name engraved upon it?, " asked the pragramatic, steadfastly replied, "no, just engrave it: TO MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE. That way , if we break up and she throws it back in anger, i can still use it again
Wed Oct 15, 08 02:57 PM
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Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"
