initially i decided to write this blog, just to let go off my frustration at some of the recent failures in my life.
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but first to give one the background of the situation,here in india,the educational envoirment is extremely competitive,especially in the premier institutes like the 1 i hav landed myself in.to give
u a picture, every year there are more than 20 reported cases of students trying to give up their lives owing to the intense pressure, put on sometimes by the expectations of the parents, fear of the society or
overestimating their individual limits.but though its true that none of the reasons or pressures can justify the xtreme steps taken by them, i dont really blame them for complaining because there are not too many oppurtunities elsewhere.
COMING BACK TO ME, I FOUND MYSELF IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AS INSPITE OF MUCH OF THE EFFORT I COULD PUT IN, I WAS AWARDED 2 F GRADES THIS SEMESTER AND SOME OF THE RESULTS ARE STILL NOT OUT.
ALTHOUGH IT WAS NOT TOTALLY UNEXPECTED, I FEEL VERY LOW AT THIS POINT BECAUSE, OF ALL THE YEARS IN COLLEGE I HAD GIVEN THE MOST THIS SEMESTER,STILL,I COULDNT EVEN GET THROUGH IT
THIS HAS SHOT ME TO A NEW LOW IN MY LIFE AS I AM SERIOUSLY DOUBTING WHETHER I HAVE GOT IT IN ME TO GO THROUGH OR ?(I DONT EVEN HAVE A SECOND OPTION)
I AM EVEN THINKING OF QUITTING THE FOOTBALL TEAM AND LEAVE PLAYING BASKETBALL AND EVERY OTHER SPORT.THE PROBLEM BEING THAT HERE THERE ARE NOT MUCH OPPURTUNITIES IN SPORTS ,UNLESS U HAV GOT SOME INFLUENTIAL RELATIVE,(OR MONEY)OR U R EXTREMELY EXTRAORDINARY WHICH EVERONE CAN`T BE WITHOUT PROPER COACHING.MOREOVER U NEED TO RISK DEDICATING YOURSELF COMPLETELY,
WITHOUT ANY GUARANTEE OF THE FUTURE.IN SHORT U CANT PLAY JUST FOR THE LO9VE OF PLAYING..
BUT THEN I THINK, IT IS DOING THOSE THINGS THAT KEEP ME HAPPY AND ALIVE.
ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE ALWAYS PUT ON MY PARENTS CONSIDERATIONS BEFORE MINE. I NEVER GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND,THINKING IT MIGHT DEVIATE ME FROM MY PATH.
BUT NOW HERE I STAND WITH NO CLEAR AIM OR PATH IN MY MIND.I AM JUST A WANDERER WHO DOSENT KNOW WHAT HE WANTS FROM LIFE.IN SHORT MY LIFE HAS LOST ITS MEANING.
I BEGIN TO THINK NOW, WHAT IF I HAD ALLOWED SOMEONE TO BE SPECIAL IN MY LIFE. WOULD IT INSPIRE ME,COULD IT MAKE THINGS DIFFERENT ? THESE QUESTIONS DEEPENED IN MY MIND AFTER I WATCHED THE FAMOUS TV SERIES--ONE TREE HILL--
EVEN IF THE ANSWER WOULD HAVE BEEN A YES,IT DOSENT MATTER NOW, DOES IT?. EVERY TIME , I HAD FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE I HAVE CURBED THEM JUST TO STAY ON TRACK . SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN I DID LET MY FEELINGS OVERRIDE ME, MYU COURAGE WOULDNT SUPPORT ME.
THE FEAR OF LOSING SOMEONE,(U DONT EVEN KNOW YET)WOULD STOP ME( BUT THEN AGAIN THE ELEMENT
OF STAYING ON TRACK WOULD SUPPORT THE FEAR).(I MUST SAY I AM VERY COWARDLY IN THIS DEPARTMENT).WITH THE RESULT I CANT EVEN TALK PROPERLY TO SOMEBODY I LIKE.
IN THE COMING TIME I HAVE DECIDED TO TRY N MAINTAIN A BALANCE BETWEEN SPORTS N STUDY, BUT I DONT THINK I CAN DO THAT( NOT
AT THIS POINT). BEACAUSE THERE IS 1 MOST IMPORTANT THING LACKING IN MY LIFE AND THAT IS --INPIRATION--.I DONT REALLY KNOW, FROM WHERE I SHOULD DRAW IT AND M IN MUCH DESPARATION LOOKING FOR SOME INSPIRATION FROM SOMEWHERE TO END MY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND HARD ROLLING DAYS..
