MY Notes
Book:- How to win Friends
Author- Dale Carnegie
Principle 1:
Don’t Criticize ,condemn or complain:
When dealing with people , let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Bitter Criticism cause the sensitive Thomas Hardy, of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literature, to give up forever the writing of fiction. Criticism drove Thomas Chatteron , the English priest, to sucide.
Benjamin Franklin , tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France.
The Secret of his success is “ I will speak of no man…. And speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Any fool can criticize , condemn ,and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
“ A great man shows his greatness By the way he treats little men.”
Principle 2-
Give honest and sincere appreciation :
There is only way to get any body to do any thing. And that is my making the other person want to do it.
You can make someone want ot give his purse by sticking a revolver in his chest.
Jon Dewey, one of America’s most profound philosophers, phrased it a but differently. Dr. Dewey said that deepest urge in human nature is “ the desire to be important.”
The human being wants the following:
1. Health and preservation of life.
2. Food
3. Sleep
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well being of children
8. A feeling of importance.
Almost all of these wants are usually gratified except one ie” the desire to be great.”
History sparkles with amsing examples of famous people struggling for a feeling of importance. Even George Wahington wante to be called “his Mightiness, the President of the United States”’ and Columbus pleaded for the title “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India.” Catherine The Great refused to open letters that were not addressed to “ Her Imperial Majesty” ; and Mrs. Lincoln, in the White House , turned upon Mrs, Grant like a tigress and shouted , “ How dare you be seated in my presence until I invite you !”
People sometimes become invalids(forced to retire, ill, somebad activity)in order to win sumpathy and attention, and get a feeling importance for example take Mrs. Mc Kinley, She got feeling of umpotance by forcing her husband, the Prsdident of the United States, to neglect important affairs of state while he reclined ton the bed beside her for hours at a time, his arm about her , soothing her to sleep. She fed her gnawing desire for attention by insisting that he remain with her while she was having her teeth fixed.
“The who Can do this has the whole world with him . he who can’t walks Lonely Way”
Why talk about what we want? That is childish . asbsured , of course, everyone is interested in what they want.
So the only wayon earth to influence othe people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to ger somebody to do something . if for example, you don’t want your children to smoke, you don’t preach at them and don’t about what you want, but show them that cigarettes may keep them from making the basket ball team or winning the hundred yard dash.
Every act we have ever performed since the day we were born was performed because we wanted something.
Harry A. Overstreet in his illuminating book ‘Influencing Human Behavior said: “ Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire ………and the best piece of advice which can be given to would- be persuades, whether in business, in the home , school, in politics is : “arouse in the other person an eager want, He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way”
Andrew CAregie, the povery – stricken Scotch lad who started to work at two cents an hour and finally gave away $365 million, learned early in life that the only eay to influence people is to talk in terms of what the other person what wants. He attended school only for years; yet he learned how to attend people.
Princple -3
Arouse in the other person an eager Want .
