And I, Trevor Maurice Spiers, pledge to Death almighty that I shall never take back my words of damnation, ridicule, or humiliation. I shall continue to be a sexual deviant/psychotic/schizophrenic/paranoid/bipolar/misunderstood/unstable/son of a bitch/bastard until the day my casket closes and I'm buried with the maggots, fuck the world.

Relationships:

Recently 2 entries I've made here are based on a relationship, when I wrote both of them part of it was to actually make sure I was still able to really express myself but I did have someone in mind which was my ex. Lately I haven't really been having a bad time with relationships but just trying to find a girl that I can love physically and mentally but I think I'm getting pretty close.

Music:

Lately I've been "expanding my horizons" with music trying to find a new music artist to listen to each week so far I've been listening to Marilyn Manson, KoRn, Radiohead, Pearl Jam, Evanescence, Paramore, and stuff like that and even though they all may be rock bands I'm willing to listen to just about anything lol if you have any recommendations just tell me.

Director Progress:

Just mainly been focusing on Project Desolation and Sinnerman but I divided up Project Desolation into different parts:

Project Desolation: End of the Beginning (Main character's rebirth, destruction of a minor lab, gains new ability)

Project Desolation: Beginning of the End (Addition of 2 characters, destruction of a large lab, death of secondary characters)

Project Desolation: Bloodstained Warpath (Main character's human side is silent, new set of secondary characters, main character meets with long lost lover from before the project but she was sent to the same branch as him and turns out to be an angel, main character kills pregnant lover and himself)

Project Desolation: Walking Down Nightmare Lane (Basically a prologue of the main characters life before the project, his life as a hitman)

Project Desolation/1,000,000: Dead... Once Again (Main character of P.D.'s demonic side journeys to complete demon training and instead finds out about Damien's plot to take over the world, defying his fathers orders and decides to escape with the main character from 1,000,000 who is trying to escape on account of the Grim Reaper's plot to kill his friends (the main character of 1,000,000 lives in a different time period than the project), during the escape the main character of P.D. finds a way to become more powerful but may have to sacrifice his human side)

Project Desolation: The Demon Seed (Main character's re-rebirth, added character of the main characters half-demon, half-angel son, discovery of main lab turns out to be under the main characters home, discovery that the projects creators are the main characters parents, discovery that Damien is working for them and in return the parents are bringing his army to earth, discovery that the main character was trained since a child to be their main weapon hence his advanced fighting and shooting skills, main fight between Damien and the main character, final discovery that during the fight the main characters son was setting bombs in the lab, main character sacrifices himself to make sure his parents and Damien don't get out alive, main character from 1,000,000 makes appearence as new Grim Reaper and splits apart the main characters demonic and human side and they part ways, reconstruction of earth begins while the son of the main character becomes its new protector)

If anyone has any suggestions or tips just message me or somethin

So other than that I'm sorta spaced out right now (not smokin or drinkin)  so I can't really think of anything else for this time lol so I'll try writing more material, until then it's whateva man.

My addiction is my confliction while my reincarnation takes place in a nation not just in an economic but mentally catastrophic depression while teaching and learning life lessons becomes my profession but my addiction leaves me in a state that the public thinks is sickening until I finally find my dream that turns out to be not what it seems, these repeating nightmares leaves me to stare at memories of one thing, my addiction above all: love.

Moe:

Mom's boyfriend came in this week and I have to admit he's pretty cool even though he eats everything in site and nu he ish nu fattie but he does have a beer belly o.o one of the main reasons I think he's cool is because me and him like to terrorize the shitaki mushrooms out of the water rat that I have to call my dog lol.

Spiritual Knowledge:

Through the time I actually had to think about how my life's went so far I actually figured out some stuff. Don't know how I didn't figure this out before but love is like a drug and unfortunately I'm in rehab lol. Way I know that is because I dated 1 girl that I loved but I got too greedy and thought I needed more and started dating other girls at the same time. If any women are reading this don't worry when I got my heart broken for the 3rd time I said I deserved it. Some other stuff I found out is that I'm still not over all my damn ex's... Not saying which one I still actually love but it's not the one from the WDNL story. Weird thing is though is that when I said that love is a drug to my ex she said, "So is sex... I need a cig." Yeah her new bf is gonna die...

Land Of The Lost:

Saw this movie and 2 other ones the week Moe was in. The movie's not as good as I originally thought it was going to be but it was still good. Only 2 official nasty parts and I will only say: 1. Dino go boom 2. Bug go splat XD At max I give it a 7/10. Funniest part to me, again I will only say: "How did you get out?"

The Hangover:

AWESOMEZ!!!! I live in Las Vegas and I didn't expect it to be that good lol. Personal rating would be 9/10. Only real nasty part would be this: Naked asian + cop car = ? Funnies part to me would have to be the credits because it shows pictures of how hard they partied the night they were in Vegas lol.

The Wackness:

Not sure if anybody knows but this movie was back from 2008 I just bootlegged it cause I got lead on Wikipedia from Ice Cube movies (was searching for the last Friday movie) to just movies rappers were either coming out with or starring in to Method Man to his role in The Wackness. Read the plot and thought it was actually a cool movie so I downloaded it and I waz right. Main reason I like it is because me and the main character have some similarities personality-wise. No nasty parts well there was one but I'm not even gonna give clues... For this movie I was absolutely surprised Josh Peck actually played as the main character but he's growing up and played the role perfectly so kudos. My personal rating would be a 8/10.

Rapper Progress:

Eh I write a couple of quick rhymes but no official progress so far.

Director Progress:

Came up with a couple of ideas for 1,000,000 and Project Desolation but I'm not spoiling anyting =P

Theme Song:

I NOW HAVE A NEW THEME SONG!!!! Lol my theme song came off of the "9" trailer (new movie by Tim Burton (WHICH LOOKZ AWESOMEZ!)). Since the vocalist kinda SuCkZ I chose Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home (No Vocals) so far I've listened to the song at least 50 times while playing random games lol.

Spiritual War:

*cracks knuckles* Let's get to work!

Stealth Roach:

Last week in my health class when my teacher turned out the lights so we could watch a movie on "natural high" a roach fell from the ceiling o_o. Don't ask me how it got there I just saw something from the ceiling drop, looked at it (at a good distance of course), and dere it waz. My friend told me he thought he was hallucinating at the end of class lol. If this roach was able to do this, I definitly do not want to see what a horde of roaches can do to a trailer park.

Director Progress:

Eh just thinking of a couple of good tracks I can use for a soundtrack.

Bonus: Might start some retarded horror movie collaboration with my friend that has yet to pitch a good idea.

Terminator Salvation:

WOOTIE WOOT! Lol went to go see it today with my cousins' and their bald headed friend whose name I forgot XD not gonna spoil the movie but at max I give it a 8/10. Action deserves a 9/10. Originality deserves a 7/10. Comedy deserves a 5/10. Lol I know it's an action movie but even Live Free or Die Hard had some good comedy moments which I will not try to list cause I haven't seen that movie in awhile lol.

Trailers from Terminator Salvation:

None noticable except for Year One and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. BTW: In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen THAT GIANT ROBOT WITH 1 WHEEL IS NOT MEGATRON! I saw the trailer and when Megatron was revived he came out of the water like he just woke up, no modifications, nothing like that! But I did see a bad ass robot that was inhaling everything in sight in a desert which for some reason the main character (26 hours up, minds a lil hazy so sorry) was in.

Rapper Progress:

I actually came up with some good rhymes that sounded more like me but I lost them -_-' no idea where my 3 freestyles I made in 5 minutes went which is very bad because I almost never reuse rhymes, even ones that sound similar.

WDNL:
I ISH DONE WIF IT FINALLY!!!! The overview was basically a author's comment at the end of it. If you didn't read Whateva Man Episode 1 then you probably were surprised about the ending lol. But if you think about it, I would have to be pretty sick to make all the stories up right?

Spiritual War:

New series I get to rant on yay!!! It was inspired by my earlier work, Lost Resolution, it wasn't a poem but it was still pretty good. I did do one part but of course more ish to come, stay tuned o.O

A Thousand Years of Dreams:

The reason I put these stories on here is because even though they were from a video game, you can read these short stories and get into them and get emotionally attached quick (well I do) and turns out that sometimes the heroes don't always get happy endings.

Ofer den dat (Other then that):

Ofer den dat I ish just playing video games every chance I get waiting to know when I can get back into another season of football and pray to God I don't forget my cup one day. Btw, not sure if I said this in the first episode but the reason for the title is because I started Whateva Man on this site Gaia Online but the title was inspired by one of my first theme songs, Whateva Man by Redman. Peace.

Walking Down Nightmare Lane...

 End.

Relationships:

Dating online and in real life. Weird stuff actually happened last week. First, one of my long lost girlfriends online on Xbox Live actually came back but turns out she has a boyfriend in real life but we're still dating. Second, one of my other ex's on Xbox Live for soem reason still wants to use me as some sorta boy toy. And third, some new girl in school likes me (her friend told me) and I was asked to go out with her so I just said yes, ironically like the first girl, she has another boyfriend but I rarely talk to her. Trying to find a girl that's actually SINGLE so I can stop playing this same old song with these girls but I'll have to do with I have now -.-

Director Progress:

No new ideas but some add ons.

1. Sinnerman is going to have 2 movies, the first one the main character is going to die in a fire fighting the crime lord. The second movie is going to be based on his son finding out about what his "uncle" (crime lord) did to his father and him getting revenge.

2. Project Desolation is going to have a different way of people turning into zombies. Instead of the random rising of the dead tactic, I'm planning to have some technique similar to Resident Evil. The reason why there's zombies is because when the project was started in the earlier stages when the dead were revived their flesh was decaying quickly. The only way they can survive is by eating other humans flesh. The lucky one's were normal but have some other abilites (enhanced, not SUPER strength, speed, sense of sight, smell, taste etc.) and don't have to eat flesh but sometimes crave it. And there are different branches of the project. The branch the main character was sent to was studying to see if the dead could be revived seeing if there really is a heaven or hell, hence the main character's demonic side. There will be a added branch based on the main character's final fight in the first movie. Even though I hate to do this, I'm actually going to have the supporting characters (his brother and the rest of his "family") die in the end of the second movie. This will contribute to the main character's demonic side taking over in the 3rd movie. If you didn't notice one of the movies will be called Project Desolation: Walking Down Nightmare Lane then there will be a movie based on his past and how he ended up dead in the first place starting the movie with him saying, "You know the old saying 'My whole life flashed before my eyes?' It's true."

3. I'm thinking about having a second movie for "Just Another Night" based on the original club owners passing down the club to their sons.

Other than that no other ideas, any opinons would be good lol.

Rap Group - 7 Sins:

Abandoned idea.

Solo Rapper:

Maybe, gotta see what the future's based on.

Good-bye:

Nothin else really goin on, same old boring school work. Thanks for supporting my ideas, stories, and everything else lol. Peace and talk to ya later ^^

 The family members have tears in their eyes when they welcome Kaim back to the inn from his long journey.

"Thank you so much for coming."

He understands the situation immediately.

The time for departure is drawing near.

Too soon, too soon.

But still, he knows, this day would have come sometime, and not in the distant future.

"I might never see you again," she said to him with a sad smile when he left on this journey, her smiling face almost transparent in its whiteness, so fragile—and therefore indescribably beautiful—as she lay in bed.

"May I see Hanna now?" he asks.

The innkeeper gives him a tiny nod and says, "I don't think she'll know who you are, though."

"She hasn't opened her eyes since last night," he warns Kaim. You can tell from the slight movement of her chest that she is clinging to a frail thread of life, but it could snap at any moment.

"It's such a shame. I know you made a special point to come here for her..."

Another tear glides down the wife's cheek.

"Never mind, it's fine." Kaim says.

He has been present at innumerable deaths, and his experience has taught him much.

Death takes away the power of speech first of all. Then the ability to see.

What remains alive to the very end, however, is the power to hear. Even though the person has lost consciousness, it is by no means unusual for the voices of the family to bring forth smiles or tears.

Kaim puts his arm around the woman's shoulder and says, "I have lots of travel stories to tell her. I've been looking forward to this my whole time on the road."

Instead of smiling, the woman releases another large tear and nods to Kaim, "And Hanna was so looking forward to hear your stories."

Her sobs almost drown out her words.

The innkeeper says, "I wish I could urge you to rest up from your travels before you see her, but..."

Kaim interrupts his apologies, "Of course I'll see her right away."

There is very little time left.

Hanna, the only daughter of the innkeeper and his wife, will probably breathe her last before the sun comes up.

Kaim lowers his pack to the floor and quietly opens the door to Hanna's room.

Hanna was frail from birth. Far from enjoying the opportunity to travel, she rarely left the town or even the neighborhood in which she was born and raised.

This child will probably not live to adulthood, the doctor told her parents.

This tiny girl, with extraordinarily beautiful doll-like features, the gods had dealt an all-too-sad destiny.

That they had allowed her to be born the only daughter of the keepers of a small inn by the highway was perhaps one small act of atonement for such iniquity.

Hanna was unable to go anywhere, but the guests who stayed at her parent’s inn would tell her stories of the countries and towns and landscapes and people that she would never know.

Whenever new guests arrived at the inn, Hanna would ask them,

"Where are you from?" "Where are you going?"

"Can you tell me a story?"

She would sit and listen to their stories with sparkling eyes, urging them on to new episodes with "And then? And then?" When they left the inn, she would beg them, "Please come back, and tell me lots and lots of stories about faraway countries!"

She would stand there waving until the person disappeared far down the highway, give one lonely sigh, and go back to bed.

Hanna is sound asleep.

No one else is in the room, perhaps an indication that she has long since passed the stage when the doctors can do anything for her.

Kaim sits down in the chair next to the bed and says with a smile.

"Hello, Hanna, I’m back."

She does not respond. Her little chest, still without the swelling of a grown woman, rises and falls almost imperceptibly.

"I went far across the ocean this time," he tells her. "The ocean on the side where the sun comes up. I took a boat from the harbor way way way far beyond the mountains you can see from this window, and I was on the sea from the time the moon was perfectly round till it got smaller and smaller then bigger and bigger until it was full again. There was nothing but ocean as far as the eye could see. Just the sea and the sky. Can you imagine it, Hanna? You’ve never seen the ocean, but I’m sure people have told you about it. It’s like a huge, big endless puddle."

Kaim chuckles to himself, and it seems to him that Hanna’s pale white cheek moves slightly.

She can hear him. Even if she cannot speak or see, her ears are still alive.

Believing and hoping this to be true, Kaim continues with the story of his travels.

He speaks no words of parting.

As always with Hanna, Kaim smiles with a special gentleness he has never shown to anyone else, and he goes on telling his tales with a bright voice, sometimes even accompanying his story with exaggerated gestures.

He tells her about the blue ocean.

He tells her about the blue sky.

He says nothing about the violent sea battle that stained the ocean red.

He never tells her about those things.

Hanna was still a tiny girl when Kaim first visited the inn.

When she asked him "Where are you from?" and "Will you tell me some stories?" with her childish pronunciation and innocent smile, Kaim felt soft glow in his chest.

At the time, he was returning from a battle.

More precisely, he had ended one battle and was on his way to the next.

His life consisted of traveling from one battlefield to another, and nothing about that has changed to this day.

He has taken the lives of countless enemy troops, and witnessed the deaths of countless comrades on the battlefield. Moreover, the only thing separating enemies from comrades is the slightest stroke of fortune. Had the gears of destiny turned in a slightly different way, his enemies would have been comrades and his comrades enemies, This is the fate of the mercenary.

He was spiritually worn down back then and feeling unbearably lonely. As a possessor of eternal life, Kaim had no fear of death, which was precisely why each of the soldier’s faces distorted in fear, and why each face of a man who died in agony was burned permanently into his brain.

Ordinarily, he would spend nights on the road drinking. Immersing himself in an alcoholic stupor—or pretending to. He was trying to make himself forget the unforgettable.

When, however, he saw Hanna’s smile and begged him for stories about his long journey, he felt a far warmer and deeper comfort then he could even obtain from liquor.

He told her many things...

About the beautiful flower he discovered on the battlefield.

About the bewitching beauty of the mist filling the forest the night before the final battle.

About the marvelous taste of the spring water in a ravine where he and his men had fled after losing the battle.

About a vast, bottomless blue sky he saw after battle.

He never told her anything sad. He kept his mouth shut about the human ugliness and stupidity he witnessed endlessly on the battlefield. He concealed his position as a mercenary for her, kept silent regarding his reasons for traveling constantly, and spoke only of things that were beautiful and sweet and lovely. He sees now that he told Hanna only beautiful stories of the road like this not so much out of concern for her purity, but for his own sake.

Staying in the inn where Hanna waited to see him turned out to be one of Kaim’s small pleasures in life. Telling her about the memories he brought back from his journeys, he felt some degree of salvation, however slight. Five years, ten years, his friendship with the girl continued. Little by little, she neared adulthood, which meant that, as the doctors had predicted, each day brought her that much closer to death.

And now, Kaim ends the last travel story he will share with her.

He can never see her again, can never tell her stories again.

Before dawn, when the darkness of night is at its deepest, long pauses enter into Hanna’s breathing.

The frail thread of her life is about to snap as Kaim and her parents watch over her.

The tiny light that has lodged in Kaim’s breast will be extinguished.

His lonely travels will begin again tomorrow—his long, long travels without end.

"You’ll be leaving on travels of your own soon, Hanna." Kaim tells her gently.

"You’ll be leaving for a world that no one knows, a world that has never entered into any of the stories you have heard so far. Finally, you will be able to leave your bed and walk anywhere you want to go. You’ll be free."

He wants her to know that death is not sorrow but a joy mixed with tears.

"It’s your turn now. Be sure and tell everyone about the memories of your journey."

Her parents will make that same journey someday. And someday Hanna will be able to meet all the guests she has known at the inn, far beyond the sky.

I, however, can never go there.

I can never escape this world.

I can never see you again.

"This is not goodbye. It’s just the start of your journey."

He speaks his final words to her.

"We’ll meet again."

His final lie to her.

Hanna makes her departure.

Her face is transfused with a tranquil smile as if she has just said,

"See you soon."

Her eyes will never open again. A single tear glides slowly down her cheek.

 End

Intro: 

Don't know how to start out lol, I guess a friendly hello would do first and time to start.

Topic:

Walking Down Nightmare Lane - Not talking about another part just a lil SPOILER, for anyone who didn't know yet the stories are based on my life, all events true. I didn't change the names of any of the people in the story but protected the last names at least, some of 'em I couldn't even remember anyways. I didn't ADD anything to make it sound worse than anything was, every detail remained hellish in the stories and in my memories.

Categories - I think I'm kinda special ed now cause I didn't know how to make categories to put my poems and stories in, just found out today -_-'. But just my fault cause I almost NEVER check instructions on most stuff (which also lead to my leg injury (ATV (NEVER AGAIN WILL I RIDE IT!))) And enough with the parantheses. But as you can see from each category, I divided the good stuff from the "lovey dovey", "darkness", and rap/ghetto subjects.

Spiritual War - Now I have to work on this, W.D.N.L., AND Spiritual War -.-'. I think I'm gonna end up writing novels if nothing else works out.

Career Progress - To Do:

1. Find & Study an example script (director)

2. Get gold teeth (rapper) (Just kiddin.)

3. Find a music studio in Las Vegas (rapper)

4. Finish up W.D.N.L. (author)

5. List all ideas (director) (Already done)

6. Pay Diane (mom) about 5k for broken flat screen -_-' (I sorta got mad one day and threw a battery at it... But it was only a AA!) (any money would be useful about now)

7. Get a million dollars because I PROMISED someone I would give them a mil... -_-' (ANY MONEY would be useful right about now)

8. What else.... Finish this up....

Career Progress - Movie Ideas:

1. Sinnerman (crime drama) (Idea is a pick-pocket gets into serious trouble when he robs a pedestrian and kills him. Turns out the pedestrian was a crime lord's son (not sure whether it should be a drug lord or mafia don).)

2. Project Desolation (action/thriller) (4-10 movies) (main project) (Was watchin some sorta zombie movie marathon) (Idea is about a criminal being killed after destroying a drug lord's estate and instead of getting hauled off by the morgue he's put into a project where he comes back to life but when he comes back 3 things are wrong: 1. Half of his soul was commited to being a demon in hell for "years" (really months (just borrowing Constantine for a bit)) 2. Why is more than half of the world's population turned into dead people also coming back to life but eating other people (zombies) and 3. How the hell did his brother save him?) (SPOILER: Planning to make the creator's of the project the main character's parents.)

3. The Cool (crime drama) (special project: Lupe Fiasco music movie) (Most of the ideas come from Lupe Fiasco's The Cool, not sure whether I should use Food & Liquor also.)

4. 1,000,000 (action/thriller) (2-5 movies) (sub-main project) (Idea is after a child's scarred childhood of his parent's dying in a freak car accident but him surviving he's put onto a plane to live with his uncle. But just his luck that the plane crashes and he somehow still survives but he hears a voice saying, "Come with me my apprentice and you shall live forever". The main character replies, "No... Only if I get to live a normal life with my parents..." The voice instructs, "Collect 1,000,000 souls for me as my apprentice and your wish is granted." Decades pass until the main character gets to 999,000 souls, that's when the real trouble begins. SPOILER: 1,000,000 and Project Desolation are going to intersect into 1 movie AT LEAST, maybe more, gotta think about it.)

5. Rantings of the Human Mind (drama) (last project) (Idea is about a patient in a psychiatric ward in for a suicide attempt. A psychiatrist tries to get into his mind, learn why he did it and fix him but it backfires and he slowly turns into a "psycho" himself. SPOILER: Secondary character (patient) might die.)

6. Kick, Push (comedy/drama) (first project) (Idea is mostly about a kid who moves into a new place trying to fit in. He assembles a band of "misfits" that have no real place in the world and overcome their problems by helping each other. Still thinking of a conflict.)

7. The Darkness (horror/action) (2 movies) (video game)

8. (Temp. name) War (action/drama) (Idea is what happens in a gang war when even bloods and crips pair together to fight the mafia)

9. Sing for the Moment (drama) (music movie) (Inspired by Eminem's Sing for the Moment song. Idea is about a troubled son with a step-father and mother that barely cares about him. The son dreams of becoming a star through rap but in the process he's going to have to get his hands dirty. No exact conflict.)

10. Just Another Night (romantic comedy) (Popped this idea off my head outta nowhere TODAY!!! lol. The idea is that one of 3 oddballs but childhood friends gets lucky and wins the lotto. Nobody has any idea what to do with the money then the main character thinks, "What about the old nightclub we used to hang around?" And they buy it, the old destroyed, crumpled down nightclub about 10 years old. They renovate it and put it back to business but the conflict is that one of them used most of the money on drinks, food, and a lil "something" for himself. So they have only one chance to throw a party and get money before the lease is up and the main character ends up meeting another childhood friend of his that he almost dated years ago. Just another night filled with fun, bizareness, and another type of "fun".)

11. (Temp. name) Takeover (thriller/action) (Idea is about a renegade "Black Panther" group that first stands up against the oh-so-friendly L.A., South Central police. The group decides to recruit mortars and soldiers willing to give up their life for the belief that they can first takeover the state, the country, then the rest of the world.)

12. Fight With Tools (action/drama) (Inspired by Flobots. Idea is about 2 best friends growing up (Handlebars). One grows up to work for the corporate world which soon overcomes the goverment and puts everyone under his strict control. The other grows up to be the opposite, a leader of a gang of freedom fighters. They upload transmissions showing what the world was once like, how it should be. They cause upstirs and riots until they eventually cause an all-out war. Kinda reminds me of Malcom X, violent protesting is a way to go I guess.)

Had around 10 other ideas but lost my paper that had 'em, could never describe 'em on 1 piece of paper anyways.

Career Progress - 7 Sins

Rap group in progress with only 1 member. Open slots for Sloth, Gluttony, Greed, Pride, Envy, and Lust. Of course I'm Wrath from most of the stuff I wrote. Doubt this group's gonna work but I gotta try lol.

End:

Think I'm just about done. Just felt like talkin about what was goin on in my life currently lol. And if I rhymed anything at all during this, not on purpose lol. But if you have any ideas or improvements to my movie ideas just message me or something, would really help. This ish teh end of Whateva Man Episode 1, PEACE!

Pain, my main feeling that keeps me sane, each strain on my brain remains as a stain, each drop of sweat, blood, and tears each hit, drug, and ounce of fear kept me from the line of freedom, every enemy with thoughts "Just beat him", mental warfare against the corrupt and myself, every step struggled with no help, a warrior, a soldier, another small-fry going up against a horde of people with cold shoulders, every prayer to the Lord, every word, every time my spirit was ignored, but there's more, more strength to the core, no more of having my thoughts tooken away, I'm here to stay, every day a new obstacle in the way, my pride has turn the tide to this spiritual fight, every push, every shush, my right to speak tooken away by each tainted touch, 1 soldier on the battlefield, surrender? No such, every punch, every hunch, every clutch onto someone is done, I'm alive and well, I've been through my own hell, I've been stuck in my own hand-made solitary cell, every bit of hope on my freedom is riding, every dark corner of my soul is hiding, I've been through pain, I still have my pride, I'm still pushing, and I'm still surviving...

Love you all, peace.

Farewell, goodbye, tell everyone I said hi, a bad riddance is something I haven't been judged of, a liar, psychotic, sometimes generous, gullible man, yes all of the above, I don't spread love, but I don't spread hate, seeing how many people supported me is enough, and I definitly know I'm not great, what would you rate on a scale of 1 to 10, please don't say 10 or I'll have to stay and do this all over again (lol), but if you do then thanks I thought I was a 5 at max, unless you count the love poems then it's welcome back, so many thoughts stacked, but I have to put it into rhyme form, but a price I must take for a "masterpiece" to be born, but I must end this on a short note, if you want me to come back then hope, or pray I'll make it through these days before I go back into a craze, but until then I'm gone and well, I've got nothing else to say except goodbye, and farewell.

Love ya all (in a friend way of course lol) and peace.

Remember I had a place? I miss those days, if you want to call me a fool then fuck you too, even if I fell in love it was all a bluff, but it's alright cause I never gave a fuck, if you still have hate, come and say it to my face, if you walked in my shoes, you'd say fuck you too, I never had luck when chaos struck, but its alright cause I never gave a fuck...