A cucumber is better than a man because.......

·         The average cucumber is AT LEAST 6 inches long

·         It can stay hard all night

·         They don’t leave stubble burn

·         They don’t fall asleep on your chest and drool

·         They wont give you a shag bite

·         It will never leave you for another woman..or man....or cucumber

·......

A guitar is better than a woman because...........

·         You can finger it in public and get applause – NOT ARRESTED

·         You can rent one out without worrying who had it before

·         You can make it scream as loud as YOU want it to

·         You can finger it for hours without it complaining for more

·         You can have it professionally tuned you YOUR liking

·      ......

A beautiful woman visits her doctor for a check-up.

The doctor takes one look at her and all his professional standards fly out of the window as he tells her to undress.

After she's taken her clothes off, he starts to stroke he thigh.

"Do you know what i'm doing?" he asks his patient.

          "Yes," she replies, "You're checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."

"Thats right," he says, before turning his attention to her breasts.

    "Do you know what i'm doing now?"

"Yes," the woman says, "You're checking for lumps"......