dangerous dave's blog

ho ho

dave1958 (dangerous dave) — Tue, 13 May 2008 07:37:58 GMT

A man goes to the doctors complaining of severe headaches. The Doc checks him up and down and cant find anything, he sends him for every kind of test in the book, MRI, X-rays, everything, nothing. Finally the doctor comes to the conclusion and says to the man "the only thing left is castration".

The man is obviously distraught, he realises the doctors have tried everything and this must really be the last straw, so he agrees.

A week after the operation he is let out of hospital and lo and behold, no more headaches. But the man is devasted now at only being half a man so he decides, on his walk home, to buy himself a suit to make him feel better.

He goes into the tailors and tells the tailor he wants everything down to the underwear, the tailor agrees and gets him up on the stand in front of the mirror.

"I'd say you're about a 42 chest?" says the tailor.

"Yeah" says the man "how did you know that?"

"I can tell any measurement from lookin pretty much, I think you're a 32 waist, 34 leg, size 9 shoe and a medium boxers"

"Wow" says the man "thats amazing, everything right except one, I'm a small boxers"

"Na you're not" says the tailor "wearing a small boxers will squeeze your balls and give you headaches"

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An Irishman, Aussie and a Glaswegian in a bar spot Jesus sat on his own. They each send him a drink and Jesus sups them slowly.

When he's finished, he walks up to the Irishman, shakes his hand and thanks him for the Guiness. "Blimey", says the Irishman "My arthritis is completely gone!”

Jesus then thanks the Aussie for the Fosters; "Crikey", exclaims the Aussie, "My bad back's cured!”

Jesus then approaches the Glaswegian who promptly scarpers, yelling back "**** OFF, I'M ON DISABILITY BENEFIT!!!"

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A man went to see his doctor.

'You need to stop mas tur ......

HOSPITAL BLOOPERS LOL

dave1958 (dangerous dave) — Mon, 05 May 2008 04:05:11 GMT

Hospital chart bloopers - actual writings from hospital charts!

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

SETTING UP YOUR BLOG

dave1958 (dangerous dave) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 05:46:43 GMT

CUSTOME STYLE(beta 4.0)

a) finding option (right upper corner of blog)

b)custom HEAD

options: chose color 4 u’re title (my title : DANGEROUS DAVEs blog chose color 4 u’re intro i do not have a active intro chose a background Head ( u can chose 1 of the those u find there or use a URL 2 insert u’re own chose if Head background will repeat (if it’s a small img.) & also where 2 place it (if it’s a small img)

c) Navigation options (mostly blog background options, 4 when some1 reads 1 of u’re posts chose if u’re blog background will have a color,or will be transparent or if u will insert a URL with u’re own image chose if background will repeat or position in case it’s smalle image then background itself chose u’re links colors (make sure u chose a diffrent color 4 link than normal text if u do not want 2 confuse links with text)

d) Page options: chose background 4 u’re blog’s main page u can use a transparent blog or insert a image of u’re own using a URL chose the text color 4 u’re posts chose link color 4 post & modules shoes color 4 u’re post titles not really sure what this option can do

e) Module options chose color 4 module border and type chose color 4 module text title chose color 4 module head background or insert a URL chose a color 4 module body background or insert a URL

f) chose a counter style or just leave it the old fashion way (warning: if u chose a counter u will not be able 2 see nr of visits only no. of views)

g) finally save

ß) create a costume module there r 3 steps: A B & C A) finding option Customize......