JUKI's BLOG

THIS IS SOOOO DAMN FUNNY! GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 09:03:20 GMT

yOU HAVE JUST GOT TO WATCH THIS - GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

The first guy he is talking to, had his testicles accidently removed in a hospital blunder!!

A Good way of getting out of trouble!!!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:54:57 GMT

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves......

SERIOUS usefull information - please read

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:49:26 GMT

MET POLICE

Subject: POLICE INFORMATION - NOT A JOKE - ACTUAL SAFETY ADVICE

first bit is mainly for women, but boys please read it and
send it on to any women you care about. The second bit is a warning to all of us!

Some sound advice for us all as we all sometimes forget to take our common sense with us when we go out. This is from Northants Police.. Women.... In light of the recent kidnapping and now murder ofLeigh Mathews, I think it is important to read the following info for your own safety.
Things women should know to stay safe: Please Take the time to
read these pointers. There may just be one or two you hadn't thought of.

After reading this, forward it to someone you care about. It never
hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!
2. If a robber asks for your handbag, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM.
Toss it away from you.... he is probably more interested......

A woman Scorned!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:46:31 GMT

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining
room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a
pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.] Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even......

THE BIKER

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:43:51 GMT

THE BIKER

I saw you, hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line.
But, you didn't see me, put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate
last Sunday.

I saw you, pull your child closer when we passed each other on the
sidewalk.
But, you didn't see me, playing Santa at the local mall.

I saw you, change your mind about going into the restaurant.
But, you didn't see me, attending a meeting to raise more money for
the hurricane relief.

I saw you, roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by.
But, you didn't see me, riding behind you when you flicked your
cigarette butt out the car window.

I saw you, frown at me when I smiled at your children.
But, you didn't see me, when I took time off from work to run toys to
the homeless.

I saw you, stare at my long hair.
But, you didn't see me, and my friends cut ten inches off for Locks of
Love.

I saw you, roll your eyes at our leather jackets and gloves.
But, you didn't see me, and my brothers donate our old ones to those
that......

Men, wives and inlaws!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:39:43 GMT

The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line. Whose funeral is it?

The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is of my wife."

"What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also. "

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the first one asks in excitement "Can I borrow the dog?"

Pointing to the line behind, the man replied "Join the queue."

Gold Wrapping paper - such a nice story

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:36:15 GMT

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, 'This is for you, Mummy.'

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner. 'Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's
supposed to be something inside the package?'

She had tears in her eyes and said, 'Oh, Mummy, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full.'

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

Haha PMSL - for the guys :-) !!!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:25:17 GMT

When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.

Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take......

Soo true (for us oldies!!!)

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:15:34 GMT

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 1960s, 1970s and early 1980s probably shouldn't have survived, because our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint which was regularly chewed and licked.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles or latches on doors or cabinets, and it was fine to play with pans. When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip-flops and fluorescent 'spokey dokeys' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags and riding in the front passenger seat - or the boot - was a treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle, and it tasted the same.

We ate chips, bread and butter pudding, and drank fizzy juice with sugar in it, but were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one drink with four friends - from one bottle or can - and no one actually died from it.

We would spend several hours building go-carts out of......

I'm Resigning!!!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 08:00:01 GMT

I am hereby tendering my resignation as an adult.

I have decided that I want to accept the responsibilities of an eight year old again.

I want to go to McDonalds and think it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across puddles and make ripples with rocks.

I want to think Smarties are better than money because you can eat them

I want to return to a time when life was simple:

When a 'Race Issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest,

When it wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best friends'.

When it was unbelievable that 'Kerby' wasn't an Olympic sport.

When the worst embarrassment was being picked last for the team.

When icecream was concidered a basic food group.

When football cards could transform any pushbike into a motorbike.

When all you knew were colours, mutiplication tables and nursery rhymes; but that didn't bother you because you did not know what you did not know and you did not care.

All you knew was to be happy, because......

Can you read this?

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 07:54:54 GMT

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

So Touching!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 07:33:15 GMT

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was
carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?

He must really be a nerd.'

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends
tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.

They really should get lives.

' He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'

There......

Sex!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 07:04:26 GMT

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come with energy
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

......

Proud to be Brithish?????

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 07:01:56 GMT

BEING BRITISH.

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want......

Beautiful

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 06:51:28 GMT

Just
for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when
I feel like crying.
Just
for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile
and say how perfect it is.
Just
for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and
take you to the park to play.
Just
for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach
me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just
for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off,
and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
Just
for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you
scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he
comes by.
Just
for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you
grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are
concerned.
Just
for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand
over you trying......

Dont forget to clean your teeth!!!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:35:44 GMT

Lets get hi !!!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:34:40 GMT

The morning after the night before!

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:31:02 GMT

Perfect man?

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:28:17 GMT

STOP violence against women

homemediapc — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 05:06:26 GMT

Totally Heartwrenching :-(

homemediapc — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 05:42:29 GMT

My name is Chris

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong

I can't speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe i'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He's already locked it

And i start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly......

Edonkey plugin, why?

homemediapc — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 04:05:19 GMT

Hi all, I have just installed the edonkey plugin, but after googling edonkey, it seems that the edonkey network has all been closed down, so why install the plugin?

Apologies if this is a really dumb question, just i'm a little confused! (blonde lol)

Thanks