For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's 
showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told
him that was all he wanted. 

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited 
signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the
morning  of his graduation his father called him into his private 
study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine
son, and  told him how much he loved him. He handed his son
a beautiful   wrapped gift box. 

Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man 
opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily,
he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you
give  me  a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy
book. 
  Many years passed and the young man was very......

A Friend's Greeting

I'd like to be the sort of friend that
you have been to me;
I'd like to be the help that
you've been always glad to be;

I'd like to mean as much to you
each minute of the day
As you have meant, old friend of mine,
to me along the way.

I'd like to do the big things and
the splendid things for you,
To brush the gray from out your skies
and leave them only blue;

I'd like to say the kindly things that
I so oft have heard,
And feel that I could rouse your soul
the way that mine you've stirred.

I'd like to give you back the joy
that you have given me,
Yet that were wishing you......

THE SONS

These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they......

If Santa answered his mail honestly...

If Santa answered his mail honestly... Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f....... book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love,Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly......

The Childbirth Demon

My wife gave birth last night,
But Jesus what a fuss!
All that screaming and a wailing,
You know guys - it wouldn't happen if it were us.

I told this to my missus,
Told her to take it like a man,
She fixed me with an evil glare,
Said I would understand...
"I'm going to teach you a lesson" she said,
"You'll be visited tonight,
By the female demon of childbirth,
She'll show you what it's like".

Well my wife woke the next morning,
And looked at me in bed.
And laughed, as the demo had taken my bottom lip,
And pulled it over the top of my head.

Copyright; Neil O'Hara-Smith