A woman who had led a blameless life dies and goes to heaven.

Standing at the gates waiting to get in she hears lots of screaming and drilling. She asked St Peter what was happening and he explained that the people who entered earlier were having their backs ripped open to insert the wings and holes drilled in their heads so halos could be fitted.

The woman said in that case I'd prefer to go to Hell "but they'll rape you and bugger you down there " said St Peter "That's ok I already have the holes for that" she replied

The Music as is always the case with Monti is worth a listen to , he keeps coming up with bands I've never heard of some better than others. You should visit his site

As for God, more people have been killed in the name of religion than any war begun over conflicting polotics or mans greed for anothers land also as for him being a prankster I think that was Loki but i'll need to ask S_V Svetlana as I'm not sure about that

Three thoughts If there is only one god as many religions believe then man is at fault as the conflicts arise when man tries to impose his idea of what should be on others.

Two we are already in Hell, you start to die from the first breath you take, no matter how successful you come to be, how material things you amass. Money, prestige,......

The husband leans over and asks his wife,
"Do you remember the first time
 we had sex together over fifty years ago?

We went behind this very tavern
 where you leaned against the back fence
 and I made love to you."
"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll
 around there again and we can do
 it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil,
  that sounds like a crazy,
  but good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in
 the next booth listening to all this,
 and having a chuckle to himself.
He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers
 having sex against a fence.

I'll just keep an eye on them so
 there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along,
leaning on each other for support
 aided by walking......

Ed Zachary Syndrome

A woman was  very distraught at the fact that she had never had a date or even  experienced sex. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her,  so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex  therapist.


She went to see him.  On entering the examination  room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.  The woman did as  she was told.   'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside  of room.' Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said  'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.'  So she did. Dr.Chang  shook his head slowly and said 'Your probrem vewy bad.  You haf Ed  Zachary Syndrome. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or  dates.'   Worried, the woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God doctor, what  is Ed Zachary Syndrome?'......

The Swinging Sixties found him at Liverpool University working towards a degree in Medievil History and Archaeology riding a Triumph and having the ambition to own a Harley Davidson Cafe racer

He had written for many years historical pieces,poetry,translations of latin verse and a book on Silverdale and of course his biker fiction

He listed his hobbies as archaeology, Zen Buddhism, upsetting authority in all shapes and forms, biking and drinking anything anyone else would buy him and described himself as  "a classic example of what psychologists call a creative psychopath with the usual schizophrenic overtones

From the inception......

If you don't laugh at this one there is no hope for you......

The U.S.judge has also ruled Google must reveal all videos that have been removed from the site for any reason

While here in the U.K Virgin Media have announced that anyone found downloading from Pirate Bay with Bit Comet will have their internet connection cut off

This is definately the thin of the wedge (comments please)

For instance after a few drinks words like admirably, succinctly and personality become more difficult to say

A few more drinks and it's juxtaposition, elementary,atheism, regrettably and most words ending in able

A few more drinks and your drunk then even if someone put a gun to your head you find it impoosible to say any of the following

No thanks mate I've had enough to drink

I'm going home to bed now before I make a fool of myself

And the phrase that will get you into more trouble than either of the above

No sorry but your just not my type, we'd only regret it in the morning

While I've been putting some movie lists together I took the opportunity to peruse other lists that have been submitted and was reminded of films I've watched and enjoyed but which had slipped my mind completely.

Although I have to admit I have  a tendency to forget more important things like birthdays and even worse anniverseries. If my friends get their cards in the right month it's a bonus.

I'm whittering now just thought I'd say thanks to all in the quiz and let you know I've enjoyed seeing others favourite films

While these are some of my favourite songs I would not call them my all time favourites.  I thought I'd put some tracks in that may encourage visitors to seek out more music from the artistes included

Took me a little while to suss it out. I think I got it right.  Can you let me know if I haven't please

That's it enjoy the music if it worked.  Take care all

While this is not my all time favourite songs by the artistes I have included. I hope I have picked some that will encourage visitors to seek out more of their music.

I would like to have included John and Mary by Robert Palmer,Walking in Memphis by Cher (which I personally prefer to Marc Cohn's version), Dreamboat Annie by Heart (Get a hold of the album if you can it was their first album as far as I'm aware) although I have included Crazy on you from said album

I could go on but I'd just get boring (or is that more boring?). hope you enjoy the music

Take care

Before I returned to Scotland I gave away a record collection of over 200 albums on vinyl and two boxes of singles, some of the music dating back to the seventies away. Music that I haven't been able to find replacements for. I associate many happy memories with my music. In my opinion(Sounds a bit okay yah that sorry) the thing that adds to the pleasure of listening to music that has been in your collection are the memories that relistening to the music triggers.

Now some may say that's living in the past but if you forget your past what's to say you don't make the same mistakes in the future?  However,......

Prior to my return to Scotland, I gave a good friend my record collection (over 200 albums on vinyl plus my singles) and I find that thanks to Bitcomet and the Pirate Bay I can slowly gather together some of my favourite music, plus the bonus of having access and the option to enlarge said collection.  Only thing I worry about is the more you download the less time you have to enjoy what you've taken the trouble to download. I'm coming to realise there is such a thing as too much choice However, having said that if that was the only problem humanity as a whole had the world might be a better place

Right so I'll post this and take the dog for it's last walk of the night.  Should have mentioned earlier for those of you who liike dogs, I have a pitbull/staffordshire bull terrier cross.  She'll be a year old end of July and I've had her......

Will drop in from time to time, when I suss out what it's all about.

Any help or tips you can pass my way would be great.