Who I Am
Written by a Shinto
1.Gi Justice 2 .Rei Revenge 3.Yu Courage 4.Meiyo Honor
5.Jin Compassion 6.Makoto Duty 7.Chu Loyalty
written age 16...
Every warriors life is a legacy in wich the way he lives and the decisions he makes shall carry with him for eternity. For one action done today is done forever. So as one progresses threw life one must remember what is now is now but will remain in history forever. If one wishs to be a true artist they must be able to perform their duty with knowing what they do can not be unchanged. They must loose themselves in their training and loose all sense of right or wrong and just be able to perform . I was asked one day what is your weakness. I had but one answer. She took the only weakness i had when she showed me how my gving her all of myself was nothing. So in return now i have no emotion. Just a open minded sense of empathy. I was not always a warrior. No i must tell u i was once a very happy child. But as like most familys not to use as and exuse but my family split i had it rough and i took it to heart. i tryed to live just and proud honest and loyal and learned. People are like books after a while i learned to read. There was no bigger disapointment in my life then knowing that all is currupt. No matter what happens there is a opposit. What i mean is for every positive there is a negative and for every negative there is a positive and vise versa. Every penny spent is one earned for some one else. Every drop of sweat we spill traing is given for a muscle building fiber. Through out life i kept my head high and chest out. Every one thought i was just a bad boy thug. None but a few luv intrests knew i was just a simple fighter. I was asked when i die do i want people to cry. I laughed and said my friends may cry but then they will laugh because thell know i lived my life to the fullest we had so many good times few will ever be able to match it. i mean everyone lives a life but only those who trully knew me would be able to understand. A reputation can be a terrible thing but be twisted to and advantage. My whole life i been known as a controled canon. A fighter who can unleash when he has to and turn it off as he wishs. They say this is not as dangerouse as someone who is radical. i tell you to look closer. Usualy mad people get caught and locked up. Being in control you learn to plan your actions and act with agression when in need. A ninja is the term given to the most gracouse assassins in the world. What lead holy monks to kill. thats another lesson but just the concept is grabbing. What im saying is every one is born with the instinct of survival therefor combat is in our nature. and as is combat so is love.
Some people have no fucking honor. they treat other people like shit. I have found there are one of two types of fighters. Ones who either respect others or are the tottal opposite. People to me are like snow flakes they fall to you then dissapear so many of my friends and close comrades have died. So now it is hard for me to get attached. i walk threw so much shit that other people seem to be weak and stupid to me in a mythik sense., it pisses me off there flaws the way some people act i know in the future there will be fights i fight just to do. i mean i am loosing a sense of honor and am going out for vendetta, i have tryed not to hit any of my so called friends but if i must i will kill them. it is my duty to put posers to rest. i am not fake nor do i tolerate the fake.
and Let Who ever your god is have mercy on you cuzz if u oppose me ill show no fucking mercy. One day im going to age and my body will start to fail and i wont have my youth . my memory might fail as well but ill be damned cuz the acts i performed will forever be etched in history. Whats done is done you can cry about it of raise your head up and move on. Who u r is based on what the fuck u do and how u move upon from it. If i was to loose a fight u bet your ass i would train untill that muther fucker killed me or i was able to kill him. That call u get the one that changes your day cuz u just found out your friend was killed u cant let that shit go. No you raise and live not just for yourself anymore but him to. Thats how ur raised and if u werent mercy on you. You might of had a shitty home life you might hate your whole damn family . but if ur like must you built your own. you found a few you could really trust and you become one.
written around age 18.....
The life of service is a hard subject. It is one of sacrifice and of discipline and no one can un derstand it unles they went through it. Those who shun the marine or welcome him. Those who criticize us for murder but do not understand a fucking fire fight. What its like to loose a brother the only person there fighting with you one who voulenteered to fight while back home some college kid fucking his girlfriend while he sweats in the desert and jumps on a gernade so save your ass. what fucking right do they have to spit on a marine. what right do they have to say we dont belong there. Yeah were nuts yeah were animals but if we didnt do it no one would their to used to there home lifes safe home at night not thinkin about and enemy or wethere or not theres a day for you to live tomorrow or if your gonna hit and id and die . if youll loose your limbs sight hearing or everything just cuz of the distance. And your loved one forgetting about you. Some people will also take u as a joke but this is what gets me the most. Depending on your Military occupation you hold a security clearence there shit ive done i can never tell people and theres thing ill do i can never tell people. Some of this is military related some of it was before when i was just a young confused youth. When i was tempted by my peers and was and idol to those who where havung hard times. Did i guide them yes was it the right way fuck no but we mad it. No one died and all lived and ate. And you bet your ass they would of had my back.
The fact of fear. People claim to be the shit. People claim to be your friend and act like they got your back i laugh. I went to a fight . having my rep it was on the line i was called out. So i went i took on this kid in the dark the first fight i ever let my frineds watch. one i wasnt even paid for. a fight i took for fun. the result my friend s watch my throw the first punch knock the kid to the deck then see him put brass knuckls to my temple the scar still there. as the punch connected to me i laughed. i did not know it was brass knuckles at the time. i just laughed at the kids pucnh and cocked back again. the kid droped and begged me not to fight him. i figured the fight was done if he was that much of a pussy to drop to his knees and beg. so i called it . later on at another fight a gun was pulled on one of my homeboys so i drove right at him in a mini van making him hit the hood and roll/ this was five minutes after my fight. i saved this kids life. picked him up rushed home. me and six of my boys at my house figureing up the story to tell the cops. then my mom tells me i m bleeding i feel my temple and notice i was injured by the punch it all made sense now. jus as that the cops come and get statements form us all. next day at school i get the right to go to night school. being a twelth grader who spent over half his fucking school year as and aid. being a troubled youth from a broken home commiting robery assult under age distribution and holding and honor status in school the perfect student. was it why i probably never got caught yeah. Its always the strong silent type who will have anyones back the nice guy that finishs last that everyone talks to cuz hill listen but nobody listens to him but thats ok cuz he doesnt cry or ask them to he just shed one tear raises his head and get back into the fight. hes a surviver. maybe thats why all those friends i let watch me fight after ha ving there back for so long got scared cuz i would kill a man and left.they said whats up but the feeling was never the same. Thats why i never struck a friend or let htem watch me fight it wasnt i was scared of loosing them it was the fear of what i would do to there mentaility or physicl state. After all though and aggresser i am more a protecter. the dovermin gaurd dog the gaurdian angel always on point.
written age 20....
its been sumtime since my last entry.alot of things have happened. i have lost the love of my life once again this time not to death but because of my stupidity. and actually thats not exactly true i lost her several montsh ago. been with a few others but lost them. Due to being haunted by her image and yet another whom was once mine. I have been around the world a few more places and decided its time to put the life of mafia and crime behind me. If not for good then atleast for sumtime. Its best this way maybe by doing this i will be able to find sum piece in this life. maybe ill be able to find a love. i have alot to do to get back to the way i want. i have brought my self into sum off form of depresion. loosing my finacial standing loosing all those i once held dear. i am now in debt have a car that i practically totaled and been thrown out of my old residence. I even lost the love for what i was so proud to be. as a marine i am failing. As of now im writing this at my new job on duty as a gaurd working usually from 9 pm to 7pm-9 am. I have failed my self as a leader as sumone those look up tome see. i have lost my form but not my mindset. i owe it to myself to get it back. tho still wise and enlightened at heart. i must now improve so much as for being a marine and as a ninja but mostly as a leader. Tho seeming so strong there is more to me then most know. but as i sit here in this shack in this void i find some source of piece. I haves still that dream of finding a cute girl that likes anime as much as me to date and fall in love with but i wont give up. heh i now know anything i want todo i can its a feeling not of cockiness but aquired by study. ive read and herd so much that its time for me to let it all go. Not to say i was weak but i faced sumthing no one could guid me from. when the oldest and on ur own its different. most have sumone i had nobody but that was my own fault. things at home are still the same im a mere gohst i come and go. i still am not close to my family but have so gotten on better terms with my father and one brother. It may be bias but its all i can do for now.ill end this entry by letting it known what im about to do theese next few months. i will get back to the image i once held. i will strengthen myself to a level higher then i have ever held. i will become whats known as pme complete and restructure myself financially. Nothing will stop me as of know it is november the lat entry before this was about two years ago. the one before that i have no idea. by the time i turn 21 my life will have came full circle twice this i am sure. I cant save the world i cant become what sumone else wants but i will become what i feel i was destined or i will die trying if anything in this life is worth dieing for its our dreams. Alex aka Shin Moto Mutsu Kage Leader one of the last Z's
Its been sum time from my last entry. I wrote the above about 8 months ago if not more. Since then alots happened ive been discharged from the military for a few reasons that are personal ive lost a few more of my friends to iraq n this war we call OIF n OEF. I came home and my life of crime has finally caught up with me. 18 days after my 21st birthday ill go before a judge and see if ill remain free or if ill get all 115 years that im charged with. All i can do is hope that my service to my country n my role and citzen status a good charector other then this infraction will help me. Its kinda funny to me to have this happen i knew it would eventaully find me but it comes at a time when im finnaly finding peace. Im alone im sorting out my life im really planing on all theese things yet now i have to wake to know i might be a non free person in a country i was once willing to die for. I find myself most days reading poetry listening to music and practicing my martial arts. I still bear this burdon and try to hold my friends together but i realize im not a super hero i cant save the world. I talk to my heart broken female friends that are looking for a guy to settle down with n i have to laugh n smile cuz i know there youn n in 3 or 4 years theyll be the ones at the clubs playn guys. Its funny to see the guys who where once playing now turning about n getting played but hey whats a guy to do right. I dont mind sitting here in the shadows n if i get time i think ill even find sum sense of piece in it. Im not really a religouse person but i have to say my life is truelly in gods hands. I write frequently in this blog page so that others may have sum insight. They can realize there not alone. Ill keep my spirits and my dreams i may still be young but mentally im really wise i may still believe that one can truelly find love n be happy just having a girl to call his own a girl that wont cheat i believe there are still guys out there for girls cuz im like that so there must be one out there for me. Ill look back on this one day like i do the above passages and i can see within myself how ive grown n matured others might not be able to but to me its clear as day. Im still agressive as i was when i was 16 however i do not carry that anger i can smile more i can relax to feel this sense of peace to know no matter what ull always have ur spirit to come to that is amazing to not fear death at this age but to rather be at terms of with whatever happens happens leads me to this center i wonder what the next entry will be like how much more ill have changed will i be more heart broken will i have given up on my dreams will i have been inprisoned and my soul altered. I guess only time will tell.
ive been to 42 of the us states mexico canada japan england france africa the uae and south america. i have loved lost trusted ben used played learned fought seen death faced death laughed cried told the truth hurt and been decieved but to this day ill raise my head and tell u no one is alone and if need be as seen on the faces of youth we all have life in every breathe let us not forget that inoccence we once held the love we once felt and the laughter we once shared let us live as if each second was a gift and each person encountered was are own family. for those of u who read all this i thank u for ur time and maybe know ull know me better if not feel free to ask. im not and open person and i find it hard to explain myself when confronted but ill do my best. ..
