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Wonderland
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Country: UK
Gender: Female
Constellation: Aquarius

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Freedom
Size: Large, Medium, Small Mon Feb 4, 08 02:49 PM | Category: My Stories
3

Feathers wrapped around the steel bars of my home,

Rolling down from the blue birds nest above me,

Envious, I watch as the birds fly outside my window,

Envious, I watch as they grin like hyenas, Mocking me.

Down I fall, as I try to follow the others, My wings withered with lack of use,

On my own I must stay for I can not follow the others,

My own choices mean nothing for I am caged. 

N/A
Link: http://blog.bitcomet.com/post/15986/ ©
Add to favorites | QuoteReport Reads (499) | Comments (16)

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Abiosix Mon Feb 4, 08 04:41 PM

A poem of an introverted and unsociable person... that somehow really fits :)

I like the poem although I don't feel the sadness that should come from it... maybe because it isn't written in my mother tongue... who knows...

Your last words "for I am caged" disturb me a little bit as they unnecessarily state what is evident from the rest of the poem.

What I really love is the imagery of hyenas mocking you...

Good one...

There's always some light in clair-obscur.
VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Tue Feb 5, 08 11:21 AM

Thanks i added the i am caged but for emphsis. What is your native tounge?

Make a wish on a shooting star.
Abiosix Wed Feb 6, 08 04:39 PM

My mother tongue is Slovak... However, I also speak English and French... and Czech (but this one doesn't count as it's very similar to my mother tongue)...

Will the next poem be called "Solitude"? :)

There's always some light in clair-obscur.
Ichisanno (Michi) Mon Feb 4, 08 11:23 PM

mm...

Brilliant, determine yourself to create one is most important things...

...maybe better than me...

Anyway, all I can is "Good Job"

Wish I Had An Angel
VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Tue Feb 5, 08 11:20 AM

Itachi your the reason i tried so hard on this poem. I usely get annoyed at free verse poems because my natural impulse is to make it rhyme but i wanted to make it as good as yours.

Make a wish on a shooting star.
shezz_luvin_hoo (hyped-up) Thu Feb 7, 08 02:06 PM

bit depressing aint it?

cool tho


VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Sun Mar 23, 08 03:38 AM

Make a wish on a shooting star.
coolzaza (zaza) Sat Feb 9, 08 10:36 AM

somehow lil bit sad, still nice description of the ambience, i like it, good one

nothing in this world worth having comes easy
VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Sun Feb 10, 08 02:37 AM

Thanks.

Make a wish on a shooting star.
dave195809 (south african dave) Sun Feb 10, 08 03:45 AM

gave you a vote lovely poem

To all the fantastic people on bitcomet love you all
VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Sun Feb 10, 08 01:03 PM

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

Make a wish on a shooting star.
shezz_luvin_hoo (hyped-up) Wed Feb 13, 08 10:22 AM

get it copyrighted!!!


VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Thu Feb 14, 08 04:41 PM

I don't know how.

Make a wish on a shooting star.
shezz_luvin_hoo (hyped-up) Fri Feb 15, 08 04:30 AM

i'll tell u if you email me


VioletShimmer (Wonderland) Sun Mar 23, 08 03:39 AM

You forgot xxx

Make a wish on a shooting star.
shezz_luvin_hoo (hyped-up) Sun Mar 23, 08 12:00 PM

oops!

xxx for then,

xxx for now



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