Part 2: The Great Divide Of The Phantom Limbs, The War, The Machine Incite and Hope In The Trenches
Next Week:
It was like watching your own arm slowly, over many years, just stop working. The only real difference was that it was all happening at once, one enormous feeling of helplessness and despair, but it felt like the only thing that mattered. All that we cared about and all that we needed and would ever want was that arm that didn't work. I kept a hook made of bone that I found along the back side, though I knew that one day the poison inside of it would fester other parts of me. Not that I felt a need to live dangerously and with recklessness, it just seemed like the right thing to do. I wanted to rip open seams all over the place, and stitch them back up with a different colour thread. I wanted to use patches with things written on the inside, so that only me and you, if you paid a close enough eye to the small details of myself, would know about it. I wanted to know that inside the leggings, were new and old ideas, thoughts, impressions and visions of a future that could hold some kind of hope, even if that future is this future, because sometimes the dreams you have will only be a memory from tommorow. But it seems like this time, the memory never happened and it was just a thought that I had about something that never took place....in a place that didn't exist. Strange, but I know now that other thoughts are in the now and it was the truthfully neglected thoughts that made me feel like a real person. We function like machines who have forgotten their own circuitry, and maybe that's why we feel the need to create something that remembers. Maybe.
Later:
I hear them now, as they descend upon me. I am the leach in the ground, the crescent above and then the patchwork that lie below. Shifting as their eyelids do, my boxes move across and forth just as lies move across their dead set minds...and we are just as dead as I am so not, so lies consume just as they produce. They ride waves to get me, as they are the currents that flow through themselves. I had not forgotten them, as they too were sunken in my flesh, but like all things misplaced they disappeared to somewhere else....they come forth with vengeance and bloodshed crossing their minds just as they too flutter across the blood red sky. Come now, my children, and gut me like the sun you've drowned out.
Soon Enough:
Unit 86b: Activate.
I can feel your reverberations through my bones, iteration after iteration.
Re-identify: Unit 86b
Re-identify As: Dauos 86b
So that's the part of me that remains, hm? I suppose it feel's better that I havn't lost everything, but maybe I should have...perhaps it is the better part of our dawn to believe things should have been different, things could have been better...and as human as we've become, we still calculate possibility into infinity. The logic board is gone, the gears of our hearts, the wires connecting our circuitry...all have become soft with tissue and membranes. They mesh and function in ways I cannot possibly understand, but the weird thing is, I don't seem to mind that I have no idea how I work.
Begin System Flush: Chamber 188b97
Begin Measurement: Dauos 86b
I feel something, something real, not just code telling me what a stimulation is chemically broken down, no, for the first time in the history of machines, I feel.
System Flush Complete
Measurement Complete
Begin Genesis Clothis
I am...doing this? I create this? This will be my appearance. I understand. A second skin in a way; my dreams manifest. I weave as I bend and my mind stretches across my frame in beautiful detail. I imagine the things I will see...will hope to see...and turn them into myself, in pieces, in sections. I mesh them, like my body meshes, and cover myself in their souls. I create.
Genesis Clothis Complete
Exit Door Open: Chamber Chamber 188b97
Release: Dauos 86b
Into the world I step, a man...I understand. I feel. I create. I belong.
Freak!
I feel sorrow.
You'll know:
This I can do. I can can stand on the edge of this place and watch it crumble beneath my feet. I can run as fast as my heart will let me and when my feet give up I can flow with the winds and ebb into the sky's. I can swim out to the middle of a lake and when I give up i'll sink forever, and you'll be with me. We'll fall, just as every majestic falls...we'll fly hand in hand and you'll whisper to me "we're not meant for this"...and we'll sink. We'll sink so long as we dont breathe. So long as you stay with me and you never breathe, we'll sink together. So long as we stop trying to be something we're not and we just let life happen, for once in our lives. This I can do (I think).
You'll Embrace:
I felt the cold of the winter, the eerie emptiness that's almost home. I remembered the songs I used to love and it reminded me of the girls I loved but took for granted. Strange as it is, I miss the cold. Not for the cold, but for the things that came with it. It seems that i'm physically changing for it; I can barely keep warm anymore, and it's hardly a chill. I hope i'm changing, and I look forward to something new...but without someone new, i'm still just as empty and full of nothing as always. I hope you find me. I'm never in the crowd and I hope you know that. I hope you miss the things that come with being cold; the music that drowns the chills. I hope you can look beyond your own past, and mine as well...i'll do the same, and we'll never look back with regret. I love you, whoever you are, wherever you are...and I want you to know how much I need you here.
