Some quotes and quizzes
^_^
1. Quotes
There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar. <Geoffrey Parfitt>
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.<Rodney Dangerfield>
The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.<Sam Ewing>
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.<Ellen DeGeneres>
As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.<Sam Ewing>
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."<Les Dawson>
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back! <Jerry Dennis>
Compatible: Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet.<Rod Carty>
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.<Dorothy Parker>
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.<Rita Rudner>
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.<Marcel Achard>
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.<Joel>
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.<Ken Dodd>
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.<Rita Rudner>
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.<Will Rogers>
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.<Robert Frost>
2. Silly Quizzes
Ok, I know It's a bit old, but sometimes It can suprise You ( I hope so...)^-^
<<I hope you aren't getting bored..>>
A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?
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Answer: One hour -- you take one at the start of the hour one after 30 minutes, and one at the end of the hour
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If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
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Answer: YOU have two, because YOU took away two!
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A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
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Answer: He weighs MEAT!
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What is everyone in the world doing at the same time?
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Answer: Growing older.
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What can be measured, but has no length, width or height?
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Answer: The temperature.
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Which room has no door, no windows, no floor and no roof?
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Answer: A mush room.
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What can't you see that is always before you?
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Answer: The future.
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What can you hold without ever touching or using your hands?
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Answer: Your breath.
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What is neither inside the house, outside the house, but no house is complete without it?
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Answer: Windows.
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What is the first thing you do every morning?
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Answer: Wake up.
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If a child is spanked by his mother and by his father, who hurts the most?
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Answer: Probably the child.
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What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in an hour?
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The letter M.
3. "What am I" (another quiz
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If you break me
I do not stop working,
If you touch me
I may be snared,
If you lose me
Nothing will matter.
Answer: heart
Bright as diamonds,
Loud as thunder,
Never still,
A thing of wonder.
Answer: waterfall
I have forests without trees,
And rivers without water.
I have mountains without rocks,
And cities without houses.
Answer: A map
What is deaf, dumb and blind
and always tells the truth?
Answer: A mirror.
I am the oldest thing in existance,
I cannot be created nor destroyed
I affect everyone and everything,
What am I
Answer: Time
You hear me creep upon a crowd
when the greatest oraters stand
I hang like a blanket
over barren land
Freind of the monk am I
Yet I cannot be seen by Human eye
Answer: Silence
I am not your child
but I am made by you
if I touch the matirial i am made from
i will become invisible
depending on the surroundings
i am bigger or smaller than you
i never was born but
from the second i was i was forced to folow you
Answer: your shadow
I come in darkness, but fill the mind with light.
I bring enlightenment to some, while gripping others in the hand of fear.
With me it can be a journey of inexplicable joy and sorrow.
What I will show you will often be unreachable.
Journey with me and what you see may haunt you.
Journey with me and you may never want to return home.
Journey with me and you will never know when it will end. What am I?
Answer: Your dreams
