I had a bit of a rant in my last blog so in order to adjust the balance i have decided to lighten it up a bit!!! here is a couple of jokes that hopefully will convince you that i'm not a raving lunatic (well, not all the time!) and make you smile!!! 
A MAN IS LYING ON THE BEACH SUNBATHING, WEARING NOTHING BUT A CAP OVER HIS PENIS. AN UGLY WOMAN IS PASSING AND REMARKS "IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF A GENTLEMAN, YOU WOULD LIFT YOUR HAT TO A LADY"......HE REPLIED "IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF A LADY, THE HAT WOULD LIFT ITSELF!!!"
GIRL IN A BAR BUYS A VODKA THEN TAKES OUT A PHOTO FROM HER POCKET, LOOKS AT IT THEN PUTS IT BACK..SHE DOES THIS EVERYTIME SHE HAS A DRINK. AFTER THE 8th THE BARMAN ASKS "WHY DO YOU DO THAT?" SHE REPLIES "ITS A PICTURE OF THE HUSBAND AND WHEN HE LOOKS GOOD ENOUGH TO SH*G, I'LL GO HOME!!!"
A PARROT SWALLOWS A VIAGRA TABLET. HIS OWNER IS DISGUSTED AND PUTS HIM IN THE FREEZER TO COOL OFF...LATER WHEN HE OPENED THE FREEZER HE FOUND THE PARROT SWEATING. "HOW COME YOUR SWEATING?" HE ASKS, THE PARROT REPLIED.."DO YOU KNOW HOW F**IN HARD IT IS TO OPEN THE LEGS OF A FROZEN CHICKEN!!!"
A LITTLE GUY IS SAT AT A BAR WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A THUG SMACKS HIM IN THE FACE AND SAYS "THATS 'KUNG FU' FROM JAPAN!", A BIT LATER THE THUG SMACKS HIM AGAIN AND SAYS "THATS 'KARATE' FROM KOREA!" THE LITTLE GUY GETS UP AND LEAVES THE BAR...A SHORT TIME LATER HE COMES BACK AND SMACKS THE THUG KNOCKING HIM OUT COLD AND SAYS TO THE BARMAN "WHEN THAT C**T WAKES UP, TELL HIM THAT WAS A F**IN 'SHOVEL' FROM B&Q!!!"
Littleb
