this might sound a bit cliche, but i think i have fallen in love with someone i hardly even know, except by words. but words are a powerful thing. see my post for "we don't need anothe hero." that was a kind of power we don't really want. it wrought little else but destruction. but words can be powerful in an entirely different and much more positive way. i'm not into false advertising and certainily wouldn't wish that on anyone. perhaps some might find it a bits of a stretch, although i'm open-minded enough to know this may be just the dream i was searching for but could never seem to find. mind you, i've sampled the vast variety of online dating services with their myriad algoruthms and there's no substitute for the old-fashioned chemistry. i know lots of algorithms, binary search, quicksort et cetera. and yet their application to everyday life seems to escape me. i can program indexed searches & optimize code until my brain nearly disintegrates, but that really matters not in the big scheme of things. what matters to me at this juncture is finding someone to complement me, not compliment, although those things are wonderful for self-esteem. i'm not a writer of great caliber, nor have i been cited in any scholarly works, but my contribution is far greater. i'm not a rhodes scholar or nobel laureate. i'm just a person who has a driving need to find someone to complement me, in other words to make me whole, and i in return to make them whole. i'm not a perfect person, nor have i professed such in any of my contributions to bc. i have a terrible attention span, much like that of someone who has barely marked the calendar beyond their infant years. as many of you might know, i'm very lonely and deal with it the very best i can, but even the most stoic of warriors, which i do not consider myself, eventually bow to the crushing power of loneliness. some of you may have experienced this and it will be fair to declare it is no fun. i have dealt with this for years and it has been a tremendous drain, as witnessed by a truly not so cheery post in which i am not proud but leave as a reminder, forgive the cliche, you are not the only people who feel this way. some time or another all of us encounter this feeling of being incomplete and i have weathered it the best i can. i do not mean to embarrass anyone. if i have then i am truly regretful. anyone can be sorry (as witnessed in the darwin awards). for a considerable segment of my life, i have searched very unssuccessfully for a cat-like counterpart: that we have our own thing going on and we meet somewhere in the middle (a 10^9:1 against, it seems). i would give all i have am and be to find that person & to finally have a complement. but this has eluded me like a cruel-minded practical joke. i am not sure if this is the way to "advertise," but it sure seems way more than appropriate than an advert in the local. this is the only way i can ever hope to reach something even approaching 10^9 (a billion) people at all, for surely i can only hope to reach 1/2000 of that otherwise. what i desire isn't that stratospherically rare, except in my limited segment of the world. you can quit reading at this point or any time you become bored of its contents. as for me, i think my word have expressed all i encompass. thanks for your time, i know it is valuable. from me, a lonely heart. i guess what i'm trying to say is i want my very own "natalie merchant." you don't have to be exceptionally bright or beautiful, eccept inside, where it counts the most.
