Hey, hey, hey... Did ya miss me??? Wow... allot has happened since we last chatted... I of course am still single and eh... got use to my little routine. I have settled on MySpace..."If you want to know more about me you can find me there." Doing well at my job and just livin man... So straight to the extreams. Between getting promoted at work and "fisting" a giant river cat fish. Of course I had many moments of clarity and before I really get into it, please allow me to inform you ahead of time this may be a lengthly blogg. so sit back relax take a sip of your henessey on the rocks and enjoy this little naration...
Life an't easy... I grew up in Seattle, I didn't have the best of childhoods, but who has other that Paris Hilton... and even she had to make a sex tape to really get known. Through out my childhood for some reason I was always known as the most determined... Is that somthing truly good to be know for?? I wanted to be known for my skills on the field or my singing, or my insight... NO... I was determined. I never understood what a complament that was until I got older... Huh, go figure. However, I have been thinking back and wondering where or when did this gift first become active. This may be crushing to read so please place your self in a calm and upright position. I was 6. I came home from school to my mother and her fiance' smoking weed and chatting in the kitchen. "How was your home work son" My mother said eyes low while passing the pipe. "Uh, fine I... have math, reading and some spelling" I replied. "Well son, your new father is going to help you with your homework today. I'm going to get dinner ready" so I sat down at the kitchen table. The room was blue with tile on the window facing the back yard. The smoke was thick. You could almost make out animal shapes in the cloud formations. "Lets' see what you got boy" he said. His face fully showing how much he really wanted to help. I pulled my books out of my bag and placed them on the table. I could smell ground beef cooking on the stove. Smelled like Hamburger Helper night. "Well, what do you got to do," he snapped. "Write a story in cersef," I muttered. "Ok, right this down,"he said. "I came home and my daddy helped me with my homewrok and... Why an't you writing?" "I don't know how to write in cersef" I mummered. "Well WTF? why didn't you say that... " Wait why are you soaking wet" My mom instantly turns around. From the begining I was so hopeing know one would notice that I urinated on myself. "What the hell happened boy," he shouted. Stunned I yelled, "THE BULLIES" I screamed and began crying. SLAP, I hit the floor... kinda dazed I hear my mom shouting, "WTF Bobby... he's just a little boy" I lay still wishing I could disapear. "The boys a bitch Darlene" He grabs me off the floor throws me in the back room and slams the door. I hit a chair and land on the floor. I remain completly still. Like a tossed rag doll not a tear drops. Bang, Crash the door flies open. It's him... I close my eyes. "Your gonna be a man today boy," as he grabs me by my shirt and punches me in the stomach. I kick, and claw but he's to strong. I black out and wake up on the bathroom toliet. Bruised head to toe I fall asleep to block out the pain... I wake up hours later to a knock at the door. It's my mom, "Come eat dinner" she says not looking at me. I wipe my face. I'm numb. I walk back into the kitchen. the smoke is gone and and so is he. I sit down and naw on my food like a scared puppy beat and left for dead.
I learned that day no one would take care of me. I had to do for myself. No one would protect me, I had to protect myself. So he made me a man. That's a man? Did I have to go through that to be a man? Determination told me NO. Determination told me, "ya you've been beat... BUT you got up..." And from that day I knew nothing would stop me. If I had a goal I wouldn't try, I would achieve it. I refused to fail. Now of course that is simply a glimps of my childhood, but as I said before I'm not the only one. More heros than I are in the bathroom hiding from pure evil, and still standing ready to face another demon but this time prepared to fight for their life.
So here is my food for thought as I end this ventalating message. The only way you fail is when you give up...on yourself. No one can stop you but you and if you don't allow you to become the person you were destined to be... Then that's when you fail... Don't try... DO... I believe in you. Skadoosh be gone.
