Normally the holiday season is a time for slipping off to the theater with your family after a turkey. You watch an awful, but PG Tim Allen movie, then you go home to watch football. This year, something has gone horribly wrong. Instead of a clean slate of family films and Oscar bait, Hollywood is mixing in a goulish mix of slashers, monsters, atheists, and gore-powered thrillers. Somehow, I doubt the season’s various manger-laid religious icons would approve.
The question however isn’t what would Jesus do, but what will moviegoers do? Will ticket buyers flock to the season’s light sprinkling of family fare or wade knee-deep in the bloody red snow of a new holiday tradition… one that comes with exploding heads.
Below is our complete breakdown of the biggest movies headed your way from now till the end of the year. It’s a blood-letting paradise. Start planning your post-present opening festivities below:
Fred Claus
Release: November 9, 2007
Vince Vaughn follows down the well-trodden career path of Tim Allen with his entry into the family fun Christmas genre. He plays the older, deadbeat brother of Santa Claus while Paul Giamattie plays Big Red himself. Early buzz on the movie seems to indicate it’s awful and let’s be honest, we’ve already seen this movie. It’s done at least twice a year now by whichever celebrity du jour has nothing better to do. Movies like Elf only happen once every decade or so, and Fred Claus is unlikely to challenge it as Hollywood’s current, reigning Christmas classic.
No Country For Old Men
Release: November 9, 2007
Joel and Ethan Coen’s new crime thriller is getting rave reviews, and deservedly so. It’s a return to form for the brothers, and if you loved Fargo then you’re going to lose your mind over No Country For Old Men. It’s the story of a hunter who finds a bag of money, and the creepy, dutch-boy haircut wearing psycho hunting him down to get it, and the old fashioned Texas sheriff who follows the trail of blood left by both men across his county. Expect heavy Oscar buzz for this one, and if you don’t want to miss out on what all the talk is about, make sure you’re there to see it opening weekend.
Lions for Lambs
Release: November 9, 2007
Lions for Lambs takes an all-star cast and tackles the big issues which are facing America today. Namely, terrorism and the Iraq war. Surprisingly, early word on the film is that it’s a balanced take on those issues. It doesn’t tell you what to think, merely presents different points of view and lets the audience decide for themselves. Still, the trailers aren’t exactly gripping and American may be kind of burned out on Iraq-war themed movies. Even the combined celebrity of Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, and Tom Cruise may not be enough to get butts in seats.
Southland Tales
Release: November 14, 2007
It’s the sophomore effort from Donnie Darko sensation Richard Kelly, a near-future tale of vague science fiction and spirituality. Early word on the movie says it’s awful, and it may be that, brilliant though Darko was, it was just a fluke. Will audiences respond to Southland Tales with less confusion and consternation than critics? Will The Rock finally end up in a movie worthy of his considerable comedic and dramatic talents? Stay tuned, Richard Kelly’s future hinges on the success or failure of this one movie.
Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
Release: November 16, 2007
Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, and Jason Bateman star in a magical toy shop movie. It looks like a direct rip-off of Willy Wonka, the sort of film that you’d expect to star the likes of Cuba Gooding Jr. and Jeff Garland. But with this cast, maybe there’s more going on here than meets the eye (and I’m not talking about Optimus Prime toys). The holidays are a time for watching anything and everything which Hollywood labels as a family movie and besides, seeing Natalie Portman back in her super-cute, post-V For Vendetta short haircut is well worth the price of admission.
Beowulf
Release: November 16, 2007
Beowulf is the new motion-capture CGI film from director Robert Zemeckis. It’s also the first computer animated film aimed pretty squarely at adults. This is a fantasy film more in the vein of Lord of the Rings than Shrek, it just happens to be done with animation. Can the CGI mega-industry crossover from the family friendly into the world of entertainment for adults? Here’s the first real test. The film is based on the epic poem Beowulf, the story of a warrior’s rise to greatness as he defeats the monster Grendel, faces down Grendel’s revenge-seeking mother, and eventually becomes a king. Ray Winstone, Angelina Jolie, Anthon Hopkins, John Malkovich, Crispin Glover and others provide both the motion capture movements and the voices used to create Beowulf’s animated characters.
Hitman
Release: November 21, 2007
Videogame movies don’t work, but Fox is trying anyway with Hitman, a film based on the popular shooter of the same name. The usually great Timothy Olyphant looks miscast as a bald, tattooed assassin trained by a secret sect of the Catholic church to rid evil from the world by shooting it in the head. The trailers are little more than a series of “posing with guns” shots, and it’s hard to believe the film will deliver any more substance than a few pretty assassin stances. Still, it does look pretty. That already puts it at least one step ahead of Doom.
Enchanted
Release: November 21, 2007
Disney’s almost gleefully sappy, family friendly, real-world/fairytale land collision movie may end up being the holiday season’s real surprise hit. Delightfully cute actress Amy Adams stars as a Disney fairytale princess sent by a witch to our world and the big city. There, she falls in love with a real human, and the romantic notions of storybook love collide with the real world. The trailers are funny and engaging. Early word makes this one sound like it actually delivers on exactly what the trailer promises, that being old fashioned, romantic, family fun.
August Rush
Release: November 21, 2007
Freddie Highmore, Keri Russell, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Robin Williams, and Terrence Howard star in the story of a young orphan looking for his lost parents. An Irish guitarist and a young cellist have a chance encounter one magical night but are torn apart, leaving behind an infant orphaned by circumstances. Years later, their son is sheltered by a mysterious stranger (Robin Williams) who teaches the boy to use music to find his parents. The trailers make it look as if it’ll either be a magical ode to the power of music, or a big, soppy mess of misfired sentiment. We’re hoping for the former.
The Mist
Release: November 21, 2007
Frank Darabont is back adapting the work of Stephen King. So far the Darabont/King combo is two for two, responsible for such masterful films as The Green Mile and The Shawshank Redemption. In The Mist, a small town comes under attack from creatures prowling inside a thick, unnatural, mist. Trapped inside a grocery store, survivors face off against the creatures and each other, with tensions rising as their situation becomes more desperate. This is more than just another horror movie, like Darabont’s other King adaptation’s The Mist looks to tackle heavier topics like religion versus reason all while scaring the pants off you. Here at CB we can’t wait to find out what’s lurking in the mist.
His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass
Release: December 7, 2007
Philip Pullman’s anti-God fantasy novel has been turned into a movie, except with most of the religious elements erased from it to avoid controversy. The religious crazys who have no problem with shoving a pro-God fantasy movie down kids’ throats are still up in arms, but their fanatic fervor notwithstanding The Golden Compass has huge potential. The cast is loaded with names like Daniel Craig and Nicole Kidman in leading roles, and the material on which it’s based is dense enough to make good film material. Pullman’s book is the story of a little girl named Lyra in an alternate universe where human beings are accompanied by a physical manifestation of their soul, visible as an animal which goes with them everywhere. Lyra sets out on a journey to save her friend, and along the way encounters Aeronauts, Gypsies, Armored Bears, and angry officials from the local oppressors. If this one does well, there are two more books to adapt.
I Am Legend
Release: December 14, 2007
Based on a novel by Richard Matheson, I Am Legend has been a movie before, most notably a version starring Charlton Heston. This version took forever to get to screen, they had a brilliant script but it wasn’t until Will Smith got on board that anything happened with it. Early drafts of the script were filled with longing and loneliness, and if that hasn’t been taken out by Smith’s infamous desire to make everything more “Big Willie” styled, then this little post-apocalyptic film could be brilliant. Smith stars in it as quite literally, the last man on Earth. Surrounded by deranged vampire-like creatures who clamor for his death, he lives, he hides, and he survives; searching for anyone who can provide hope and companionship.
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Release: December 14, 2007
Alvin and the Chipmunks were kind of cute twenty or thirty years ago when they were nothing but a Saturday morning cartoon and a couple of novelty Christmas albums. Decades later, they’re attempting a comeback. The odds, you’d assume, aren’t exactly in their favor. Jason Lee stars as the movie’s live-action component, and the “dad” of a group of CGI’d, singing, talking, pooping chipmunks. The trailers have done a good job of capturing the feel of the old Chipmunk cartoons and records, but is anyone really all that nostalgic for falsetto singing rodents?
The Bucket List
Release: December 18, 2007
Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman team up in this film about men facing the old age and the end of their lives by going out with a bang. I hope I have the balls to do it this way. Morgan and Jack will show all of us how it’s done this Christmas in The Bucket List. It’s a brilliant team-up, and my Morgan Meter is going crazy.
MORGAN METER:
National Treasure: The Book of Secrets
Release: December 21, 2007
There’s still fun left to be had in the National Treasure universe and this sequel shows every sign of bringing it. Nic Cage and his crew of American history treasure hunters are back, this time trying to unravel the mysteries of Abraham Lincoln’s death. To learn the true story of who shot Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin Gates follows a trail of clues which lead him from London, to Paris, and back home to America. Never has kidnapping the President been so patriotic.
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Release: December 21, 2007
Johnny Depp and Tim Burton have joined forces to adapt the popular Broadway musical Sweeney Todd into a movie. Depp plays the titular Sweeney, a vindictive barber out to get revenge by slitting the throats of his customers. The film’s trailers seem to be de-emphasizing the movie’s singing and dancing, but this is a musical and expect to see Johnny do at least a little soft-shoe. Nothing goes better together than Burton and Depp, especially when they get experimental, and there’s nothing more experimental than a singing, dancing, slasher flick. Sign us up for a shave and a decapitation.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Release: December 21, 2007
John C. Reilly stars in a big-budget parody of big-budget musician biopics. What sets it apart from the lousy, parody stuff we’re used to getting is the cast. Come on, John C. Reilly wouldn’t do it if it was The Comebacks. It’s the story of Dewey Cox who while on his rock ‘n roll spiral, Cox sleeps with 411 women, marries three times, has 22 kids and 14 stepkids, stars in his own 70s TV show, collects friends ranging from Elvis to the Beatles to a chimp, and gets addicted to – and then kicks – every drug known to man… but despite it all, Cox grows into a national icon and eventually earns the love of a good woman – longtime backup singer Darlene.
AVP-R
Release: December 25, 2007
Christmas seems like a strange time to release a violent gore-fetish flick, but there’s plenty of excitement over the next installment in the dubiously enjoyable Alien Versus Predator franchise. This one goes by the name Aliens versus Predator: Requieum, and promises to feature not only Aliens and a Predator, but an Alien/Predator hybrid called a Predalien. Unlike the original, it’ll also be rated-R and presumably chock full of all the blood n’ guts fans felt were missing from the first outer space creature face-off.
Charlie Wilson’s War
Release: December 25, 2007
Rumors of re-shoots and problems with director Mike Nichols’ cut have derailed a lot of the enthusiasm that was once out there for this film. Still, with Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Amy Adams in the cast it’s hard not to be a little excited about Charlie Wilson’s War. It’s based on the true story of how a congressman, a renegade CIA agent, and a rich Texas socialite started a private war in Afghanistan and contribute to the fall of the Soviet Union. Oh yeah, and they left behind a lot of weapons for the Taliban. Whoops.
http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Big-Holiday-Movie-Preview-2007-6866.html
