10 Blondes 1 Brunette
Problem: There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette that were hanging
onto a rope that was tied to an airplane. They know that one
of them will have to let go because the weight of all 11 of
them would tear the rope and they would all die, so they argue
back and forth for a few minutes till finally the brunette
says she will let go.
But first she explained why she was
doing it and said good-bye to all the blondes, in an emoitional
type of way.
All the blondes were so touched that they started
clapping.
Problem solved.
100 Steps
There
wuz a blonde a burnette and a red head..they were standin at the end of
some steps and God says to them "ok girls, theres 100 steps infront of
you and each one has a joke on it..if u can make it all the way up to
me without laughing u can come to heaven..if not im sendin u to hell"
..well the
red head goes up and gets to the 30th step and laughs
..god sends her to hell
..the burnette gets half way up and she laughs
..god sends her to hell
..the blonde goes up and makes it all the way to the top of the steps
and is standin in front of god and she starts laughing
..god says "u made it all the way up here without laughing at any of the jokes..why do u laugh now"
and the blonde says "I just got the first joke"!!!
Blonde and a brunette
A blonde and a brunette
were talking, and the blonde was
very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to
sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 100,000
miles on it.
The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you
sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it’s illegal."
The blonde said, " I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the
blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer
on
her car. A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed
paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car
yet.
The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles
on it?!
Blonde
and the lawyer
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer
on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting
her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered
her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not
answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every
time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer
figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between
the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the
blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes
back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking
up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous
air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally,
angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but
the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Blonde
jokes
There
was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes
she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and
memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next
day,
some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke. She interrupted him
with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde
jokes.
I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and
didething probably none of you could do.
I
memorized all the state capitals.
One of the guys said, "I don't believe you."
She said, "It's true. Just test me!"
"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked.
"A," she answered, smugly.
Blonde
watching the news
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you £100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you £100 that he does
jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.
the blonde gets out £100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take your money.'
'Why not replies the blonde?'
'Because i watched the 12 '0'
clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.'
The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news as well
but i didn't think that he would jump again.'
Blondes and beer bottles
What
do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
Blonde
laugh on Friday
How
do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.
Nerds Not Allowed
This
truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a
beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:
"Nerds Not Allowed—Enter At Your Own Risk!"
He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"
"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."
"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his
glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and
a belt at least a foot too long.
The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
"Why did you do that?"
"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license."
The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and
heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident,
and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out
all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming,
grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and
programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!
He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what
happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away,
felling several of them instantly.
A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em!"
On the Internet
It is an amazing communications tool that's
bringing the whole world together. I mean, you sit down to sign on
to America Online in your hometown, and it's just staggering to think
that at the same moment, halfway around the world, in China, someone
you've never met is sitting at their computer, hearing the exact same
busy signal that
you're hearing.
-- Dennis Miller
Albanezii,
după lungi ani de studii, documentări şi cercetări, reuşesc să
construiască primul lor avion, dar care la primul lui zbor se
prăbuşeşte. Jale mare, doliu naţional şi ziarele din întreaga lume apar
cu următoarea ştire pe prima pagină:
"Primul avion construit de albanezi s-a prăbuşit. În viaţă, din întreg echipajul, a mai rămas numai fochistul!"
De ce au pierdut albanezii războiul? Era arcaşul bolnav!
Ce reprezintă doi albanezi pe plajă cu cîte două beţe în mînă? Paza de coastă!
Cum distrugi un tanc albanez? Îl împuşti p-ăla care-l împinge!
Care-i diferenţa dintre un albanez mic şi unul mare? Ăla mare arde mai mult.
De ce e criză de elastic în Albania? Se pregătesc să-şi lanseze primul satelit artificial!
Dupa un raid aviatic asupra Bosniei, albanezii sînt întrebaţi:
- De ce nu a participat flota voastră aviatică?
- Era bolnav pilotul…
La Naţiunile Unite:
- Cu ce dotare logistică poate participa Albania la forţele de menţinere a păcii?
- Vă dăm un tanc!
- Nu se poate, doar unul?
- Bine, vi le dăm pe amîndouă.
