Cosmetic Surgery
Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of
cosmetic surgery.
The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a
boob job done".
The second woman says, "Oh that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my
ass hole bleached!".
To which the first replies,
"Wow.....I just can't picture your husband as a blonde".
well well well!!!
During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:
Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Narayan: oh!
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Narayan: No
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know......
COURAGE?
How do you define courage?
Is it to fight a bull in a bullfight?
Is it to drive a Formula 1 car?
Is it to fly a fighter in combat?
Is it to practice free falling parachuting?
Is it bungee jumping or wild water rafting?
Is it to gamble your salary on a coin toss?
Is it to insult the doorman in a biker bar?
Is it to insult your boss?
Is it to ride on a defective ferris wheel?
Bull........those are nothing!
THIS is COURAGE!
Words are incredible things. Words can inspire and incite. They can also describe those pulchritudinous protuberances we all know and love—boobs. These are our favorite euphemisms for breasts, boobs, cans and knockers. Take your pick, and no matter which term you use, you've said a mouthful!
Air Bags
Angel Cakes
Apple Dumpling Shop
Apples
Aspirins on an Ironing Board
Babaloos
Baby Pillows
Balloons
Bangers
Bangles
Bassoons
Baubles
Bazongas
Bazooms
Beacons
Bean Bags
Bebops
Bee Stings
Betty and Wilmas
Betty Boops
Big Boppers
Bigguns
Bikini Stuffers
Billibongs
Blinkers
 ...... |
Working a Lot of Overtime: this enables them to meet their lover after work
Excessive Use of the Internet: a way for men to meet other women in chat rooms.
Hiding the Cell Phone Bill: the #1 way to find out who the lover is.
Saying, "It's Your Imagination": this is what is told to you when you're too close to the truth.
Receiving Hang Up Phone Calls: the paramour calling your house to speak with your mate, or the signal used when she's trying to get in touch with him.
No Longer Interested in Sex: saving their emotion for their lover.
No Longer Wearing Wedding Ring: a sign telling everyone "I am single."
New Sexual Techniques: what your spouse learned from their lover.
Saying "I Need My Space": when your spouse moves to the next stage of taking his/ her affair more seriously.
THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not..
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was p*ssed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away..
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words......
