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gazdoc
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Title: Colonel
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Country: India
Gender: Male
Constellation: Scorpio
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My Posts

Funny Signs
Sun Feb 24, 08 10:19 PM | Category: All
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Rubber Gloves
Sat Feb 23, 08 11:30 PM | Category: All
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let hem dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!
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Dead Pussy
Sat Feb 23, 08 11:11 PM | Category: All

An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat.

As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, "I have a dead pussy."

The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have alot in common

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Mediclaim
Sat Feb 23, 08 12:32 AM | Category: All

A couple went to a s@x therapists office at ABC Hospital.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them Rs.300.


This happened several weeks in a row.

The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to findout?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married And we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Oberoi charges Rs. 2500, Taj charges Rs.2000, Le Meridian charges Rs.1500.

We do it here for Rs.300, and I get that back from Mediclaim.

......

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What I Learned From Life
Sat Feb 23, 08 12:03 AM | Category: All

Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.


When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.


Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.


Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.


When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see above).


The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.


Variety is the spice of life.  It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.


Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.


Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.


Take time to celebrate your successes (even little ones).


Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

......

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Think - About It
Fri Feb 22, 08 12:07 AM | Category: All
Today before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak


Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat


Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion


Today before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven


Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren


Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets


Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet


And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job


But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker


And when depressing......
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Cats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Wed Feb 20, 08 10:32 PM | Category: All

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Obliging Nurse
Wed Feb 20, 08 10:45 AM | Category: All
A Male patient had just recovered successfully from a  threatening  illness.

He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.



An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.
The patient mumbled, "Are my t@sticles black?"

Nurse replied, "I don't know Sir, I am just setting you clean"

The patient repeated again, "Are my t@sticles black?"



Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said "Sir everything should be OK"

The patient just kept on asking again and again, "Are my t@sticles  black?"



Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his p@nis and t@sticle, moved it all around, checked very closely.


The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, "Ma'am, Thanks but I still need to know

 

'A r e - m y - t e s t s - r e s u l t s -......

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Never too Old for Dildo
Wed Feb 20, 08 04:08 AM | Category: All

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.


Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk in a stuttering voice: "Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?"


The clerk, trying as hard as he could not to burst out laughing, politely replies: "Yes, we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models. Can I help you find one?"


The old woman then asks: "Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt t twoo inchesss ththiickk...aaand rrunns by buhbuhbuhbuhbatteries?


The clerk responds, "Yes, we do."


She asks: "Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe gaaaahdaaaam ssunoooffabbitch offffff

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Naughty Mind --- High Expectations
Wed Feb 20, 08 12:38 AM | Category: All
It was professor smith's first day at st. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm  welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

......
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