Littleb's BLOG

"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early."

"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."  

"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think......

This is an old parable my grandad told me as a kid, it still makes me smile..

Once upon a time, there was a non conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started southward. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But then the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping sparrow and promptly ate him.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And, if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!

Littleb.

I had a bit of a rant in my last blog so in order to adjust the balance i have decided to lighten it up a bit!!!  here is a couple of jokes that hopefully will convince you that i'm not a raving lunatic (well, not all the time!) and make you smile!!!

A MAN IS LYING ON THE BEACH SUNBATHING, WEARING NOTHING BUT A CAP OVER HIS PENIS. AN UGLY WOMAN IS PASSING AND REMARKS "IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF A GENTLEMAN, YOU WOULD LIFT YOUR HAT TO A LADY"......HE REPLIED  "IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF A LADY, THE HAT WOULD LIFT ITSELF!!!"

GIRL IN A BAR BUYS A VODKA THEN TAKES OUT A PHOTO FROM HER POCKET, LOOKS AT IT......

It's never been easy being a supporter of Blackpool F.C, but after last seasons glorious victory in the play-off  final and admission into the Championship after a 30 year wait things were looking up.

Fast forward one season and after a pretty close run thing we managed (albeit by the skin of our teeth) to keep our status as a Championship side, manager Simon Grayson has shown nous that belies his 3 seasons as a coach and the team have been fantastic, punching well above their weight in a division where one striker from a top side cost more than our entire squad! We beat our biggest rivals Preston North End at their own ground and played poorly at home against them and still got a draw so bragging rights are ours for the first time in years!!

AND THEN WHAT?

Within a week, we the fans are informed that ticket prices are going up 30%!

THAT IS EXTORTION Mr KARL OYSTON

Most fans live and work in Blackpool and most are on the National Minimum Wage which means......

It seems I have been walking around with my eyes shut for the past lifetime, I can honestly say that until I checked out monti_84's blog I had never checked out a goth bird. WOW!!! that Apnea is HOT!!!. Anyway that got me thinking how many more of you guys or girls know a really FIT goth chick? Please send pictures so I can carry out my own survey. Please note I only want tasteful shots, no legs akimbo top shelf mag stuff as I think women are more classy when they leave a little to the imagination. To get the ball rolling I found this picture of a rather lovely goth chick who goes by the name of  Phantom [Violeta]. I think you'll agree she is STUNNING!!! 

  ......

O.K people I'm pretty new to this blog thing so bear with me, I'd just like to warn you about downloading this movie: Indiana.Jones.4.[ENGLISH.HQ].2008.HDTV.WS.DivX.XOR.avi  Its a FAKE you will be told to download DOM X Player, DO NOT BOTHER.. IT WONT PLAY THIS OR ANY OTHER MOVIE THAT COMES UP WITH THAT MESSAGE. Always check the COMMENTS on any movie before downloading, A few minutes reading these can save you hours of time and bandwidth. Of course some newly uploaded films have no comment as did this when I downloaded it  I took a chance and this time it didn't pay off so I have left comments to warn people off and i've tried to notify THE PIRATE BAY with no success  but will keep trying..

Happy Downloading and Keep Sharing!!!
Littleb