Ashok

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.

He says "well, pussy and bitch".

She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."

He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.

Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"

He tells him...pussy and bitch.

Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."

"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"

"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."

Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.

She spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.

She also spoke: "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.

She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.

"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.

Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.

Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"

The biker answers, "I'm Cess."

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.

"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.

But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.

Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation.

 But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit."

The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.

The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper."

So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.

The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"

The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"

Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"

So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.

"Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"

So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Johnny, do you want to ride the bike home?"

The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"

The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. "You bitch," yelled the one lady.

Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, "You bag."

Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. "Dad, what are bags and bitches?"

"Oh, that's just another name for women," replied his dad.

"Oh, okay," said Johnny.

The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave.

While shaving, Little Johnny's dad cuts himself. "Oh shit," he said.

"Daddy, what's shit?" asked Little Johnny.

"Oh, that's just another name for shaving your self," replied his father.

Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking a turkey.

As his mother reached into the oven, she burnt her hand. "Fuck!" she yells.

"Mom, what's fuck?" questionned Johnny.

"That's just another word for cooking the turkey."

"Oh, I get it," said Johnny.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it!" yells Johnny as he runs to the door. He then opened the door to find a group of old ladies standing outside.

"Hello young man. Are you parents home?" asked the front lady.

"Hello bags and bitches. My dad's upstairs shitting himself and my mom's downstairs fucking the turkey."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered:

"An apple."

"No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy.

"Is it a peach?"

"No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically.

The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally.

"A banana," she says.

"No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it it's round, hard, and it got a head on it."

"Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!"

"Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking!"

1. Unbutton pants

2. Pull pants down

3. Pull foreskin back

4. Pee

5. Push foreskin forward

6. Pull pants up and button up

She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.

Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...