MaeLin's BLOG

Man on trial for murder, judge asks him what happened, why did he kill his wife. Man answers:

>> Well, you see,

I was reading my newspapers.There was an article about some children, one boy in the age of 10 that was just 50 cm high and his brother, 19 years old, who is only 60 cm high.

So, I was just saying to my wife how I feel sorry for those childen, and then she said to me:

“You know, they are pigments”

“You mean Pygmy. Pigment is what gives our skin its color”

“Isn’t the pygmy kind of paper Romans used to write on?”

“No, that parchment”

“But, isn’t the parchment a part of a movie?”

“No, that fragment”

So, I got tired and went to living room to read my papers there.After a while, my wife comes in the room, reading some book aloud.

“greengrocer lady went out on her terrace, where she met pimp Lui...”

I asked her: “what......

"This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and if we don't do laundry right now
you'll have no clothes to wear."

What a Man Hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES.

 *********************************************************

When man chooses woman, he looks for 3 things:

1. she must be pretty

2. she must have big breasts

3. she must be stupid

When woman chooses her man, she looks for 2 things:

1. He must be rich

2. He must think she's stupid, because she has big breasts and she's pretty  

I was watching commercials (again, I feel like there’s nothing else on TV), and it came to my mind:  I know commercials can affect you buy specific type of product (at least they can make us look for some product),

You know, you’re watching TV and you hear: buy “G….” coffee, it’s great, buy “G….” , buy “G….”. So I come into the store to buy bread and milk…and I buy that bloody coffee.

But I wonder, how strong they can affect us to feel aversion for the product.

One company in my country made really, really, really shovanistic commercial for their beer. As a result, women protested on official site, on forums and some even stoped drinking that kind of beer.

I avoided one type of ice-cream for a year or so, for they paid girls on the beach to wear swimsuit, with label “lick carefully” on breast or bum. It was just too repulsive to me.

Maybe this......

God talkes to Adam: "Adam, give me one of your ribs"
Adam: "No"
God: "Adam! Give me the rib!"
Adam: "No!"
God: "Come on, Adam! It's just one rib"
Adam: "No!"
God: "Why not?"
Adam: "I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this"

3 Men standing on the of the river side, wandering how to cross to the other side. First man starts praying to God. He prayed for an hour and God heard his prayers. He made man really strong, so man could swim over the river. So he did.

Second man saw that, and started praying to God. He prayed for 3 hours. God heard his prayers and gave man boat, to cross the river. So he did.

Third man saw that praying worked for other two men, so he started praying, too. He prayed for 5 hours. God heard his prayers and turned man into a woman, and she crossed over the bridge to the other side. 

Rule of Accuracy

When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Corollary - Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

Agnes Allen's Law

Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Allen's Axiom

When all else fails, follow instructions.

Alligator Principle

When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

Avian Law

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Law of Banks

The other line always moves faster. In order to get a loan you must first prove that you don't need it.

Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery

The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.

Beifeld's Principle

The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by

pyramidal progression when......

I enjoy listening to the music, and reading lyrics.

I'm absolutely crazy for Sting and his lyrics. They are (mostly) very romantic. Some are really deep. I usually don't fall for that romantic things, but his things are really good. Here is one somewhat special:

"Fortress Around Your Heart"
  (Dream Of The Blue Turtles Album)

Under the ruins of a walled city
Crumbling towers and beams of yellow light
No flags of truce, no cries of pity
The siege guns had been pounding all through the night
It took a day to build the city
We walked through its streets in the
As I returned across the lands I'd known
I recognized the fields where I'd once played
I had to stop in my tracks for fear
Of walking on the mines I'd laid

And if I built this fortress around your heart
Encircled you in trenches and barbed wire
Then let me build a bridge
For I cannot fill the chasm
And let me set the battlements on fire

Then I went off to fight some battle
That I'd invented......