3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.
The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend."
The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that
he bought a converatable and a private jet for his friend."
The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful". In fact,
I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact. I guess he must
be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and
owns a private jet and a convertable."
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -
"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn`t answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?" And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "why wouldn`t you answer that guy's question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"
Stan was seconds away from
receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the
room holding their newborn baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.
"And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"
Stan said nothing.
The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."
Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic
look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"
"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.
A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put
it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their
lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of
little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every
night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she
asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was
required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the......
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.
"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to
do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each
other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the
washing machine door open' instead?"
So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"
"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.
When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and
she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing
machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"
"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."
