Rantings of the Human Mind

When did this start to happen? Why did I smile when my mom told me I was a disgrace? Why do I vision my nightmares for fun? When did this pain start feeling this good? The... darkness has grown out of my own control. The usual methods of telling it to go away and ignoring it never work. Embracing it quickly lead to a surprise mental breakdown, maybe the worst yet. This darkness was nowhere to be found until after the failed engagement but for some reason I feel it's been here before that. This voice was the hate and anger I piled up while with my first love. But it is more... thinking, talking to it, it tells me, "I am more than just your hate and anger.... I am your forgotten desires... I am your pain... I make you want more... I make you want to go six feet deep... I am your memories of broken promises and heartbreaks manifested into... another part of you... your... 'lover' just helped make you listen...." I'm not sure whether I'm going insane or am I just schizophrenic but in this time of crisis the only question I want answered is was this created out of hatred or lonliness?