Ok so....
Last night at about half 8 I was bored, the boyfriend was in my bed asleep where he had been since 7. I woke him up to ask him to watch the fireworks with me fom the window but he wanted more sleep so i let him be.
I didnt want to wake him up so being bored off my tits (yes i know its an odd saying it just means really really bored) I saw his phone and picked it up to do a sudoku on it, after two sudoku's he was still asleep and i was still bored so i did something i really should not have done... I read his messages.
Some of the messages were from his friends and lots were from me, but a few, the relevant few, were from his ex and a number that wasn't stored. I read them, by the time i finished i was shaking, my heart was racing and i still had no idea what was going on.
I shouted, I never shout, I woke the poor boy from his sleep shouting "what the fuck is going on!" he made confused sleepy noises while i quietly told him i had read his messages. I walked away and sat in the corner at the other end of the room trying not to look at him, he read the texts for what felt like ages and i saw him wiping his eyes. After a long time he got up, put his clothes on and came over to sit on the floor beside me and said, "so what do you want to know?"
I replied quietly without looking at him, repeating the words from earlier. "what the fuck is going on?" then stayed silent waiting for an answer. After a long pause it came.
"Well there are two things i haven't been honest about, well, two or three. I did get a reply from that thing i put up on that escorting site, a while ago, It was a man he just wanted to massage me, I got 150 pounds for it,i didn't tell you because I was embarraessed, I didn't know what you would say.
I've also had a request from a married woman, she just wants to talk, I was going to tell you but I didn't know how to start, I was waiting for the right time, I don't know why, I knew you would be fine with it.
The only other thing I havem't told you is last night I was with my ex, she was depressed her boyfriends moving away, her parents are getting on her back and she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. When you called me and I said you had woken me up I was at her house and she was crying"
(For the reader to understand the circumstances completely I need to tell you that that particular night I had phoned my boyfriend in tears, I have been suffering from depression for a month and as a child i was sexually abused, believe me there are some pretty horrible semi-repressed memories in there. The ex in question is, from what the boyfriend tells me a lying, cheating, coke addict, or was when she was with him anyway.)
When he told me that I finally cried, with tears rolling silently down my cheeks I whispered. "I needed you" when he asked me to repeat it i broke into loud uncontrollable sobs. "I needed you last night, the only reason I didn't beg you to drive down was because you said I had woken you up, last night every bad thing that ever happened to me came back in detail, one thing after another, I didn't sleep all night, I couldn't distract myself, and I needed you. It was horrible, It was the worst night I have ever had and you were with Her"
At this point i lost control of my breathing completely and nearly hyperventilated, he sat there and helped me get myself under control. Then we went downstairs to his car and drove to mcdonalds. We are still together, I still love him, however I only believe about haf of what he says and I don't know if that trust will ever be back.
