Hiya everyone,
Sorry I haven't written anything for a while I just haven't been in the mood for it.
I am still with the boyfriend, my little 'discovery' somehow managed to shake me out of the cloud of depression I've been under for a while, I developed what I think is agoraphobia since then but thats a post for another day.
This weekend I am staying at the boyfriends house because his parents are away, something happened that really made me think, he refused me sex! It happened like this....
He got up and had breakfast then I got up, by the time I was downstairs he had gone back upstairs for a shower. I started watching tv, half way through hollyoaks I decided to surprise him in the shower, I went into the bathroom, dropped my dressing gown and got in the shower with him. Hew kissed me in the shower then quickly got out.
I was gutted, he knows I love sex in his shower, he knew exactly what I was doing there so why did he leave. am I ugly? does he not find me attractive anymore? and all the other thousands of insecurities floating around in my head.
It made me think, I refuse to have sex with the boyfriend quite often, i dont usually have a good reason, just I dont feel like it or im tired. Do men get all the insecurities when their girlfriend/wife refuses to have sex with them? Why do I feel i have the right for sex when I feel like it?
ps. It took until that night to work out why it happened. If only I had got there before he took the situation into his own hands ;)
