I know its stupid, and I know I'll end up doing the right thing, but this time I really don't want to.
This is my 10th time in this stupid fucking mess, the first eight times I did it my way. I waited. I lived my life going to school like normal, waiting for the decision to be made for me, waiting to see what would come.
The drops of blood or the life sentence.
It was always the blood, there wasn't going to be a baby, not this time. Then comes the pain, mixed with relief.
The ninth time was different, a new boyfriend, a 26 year old one who didn't want a baby with a girl of 18, a girl who had just begun university, me. I took the pill that time. The pain wasn't so bad the guilt was overwhelming, what if that time there would been a baby? I killed it.
This time, the tenth, is the worst. Same man, same girl, 19 now. Should she take that pill and face the guilt? she knows she will and she hates it. In her heart she yearns for that baby but in her head she knows the truth.
-x-Kat-x-
ps. sorry it changes from first to third person i just couldn't bear to write it all in first, its too raw.
